good monkey very simple man yep
[Music]
well i think i'm ready to head home have
some microwave pizza and cry myself to
sleep
pepperoni and regret my staples i love
to join you man but somewhere on this
carpet there's a very small square of
paper with a picture of jester hopper
pot on it
i'm not leaving till my tongue finds it
ah
hey i found my toenail
secret trap door or did i just find that
piece of paper
wait who cares either way i deem it
awesome
[Music]
first the bee makes sweet sweet love to
the bird and then
the bee eats the birds head off and
that's where the bee
birds come from hey what does have to do
with banging chicks
everything boy everything mr larry dave
called in sick again
and i'm supposed to tell you some
director guy wants to talk to you
it's john something anyway aren't you
wondering why i'm wearing a birthday hat
i'm wondering why that breakfast ain't
my belly yet no it's my birthday
mr larity the name is john hughes i'm a
screenwriter and director and i'd like
to spend some time shadowing your
employees
i have an idea for a new movie about
cool young video game programmers
sorry hughes all i gots here is freaks
and losers look
i'll make you a deal let me hang out at
gamer vision with your programmers for
one day
and i'll make sure your games are
prominently featured throughout the
movie oh
i get it you're saying you wants to make
a movie about me
why didn't you just say so what no
shake on it you picked a great subject
for your next film
john hughes i'm a handsome enigmatic ceo
with the few [ __ ] in my trunk and
skeletons in my closet
for a blockbuster you know how to clean
skeletons out your closet
like this awesome bro what's up
[Music]
good morning it's my birthday hello it's
my birthday
yes it is my birthday someone listen to
me it's my birthday
lovely girl birthday nobody cares i
heard that
hi jake ryan sexy ups guy is that for me
uh are you dave no i'm claire it's my
birthday
guess what i'm wearing under my clothes
underwear no
my birthday suit and guess what's under
that just blood and meat and my vagina
and stuff
uh well happy birthday guess i'll see
you around five when i do pickups yeah
she will take you achy
so where's dave is he still sick perhaps
from playing his own games
they certainly make me sick
anyone shall we do that fun thing in
which we clap palms above our heads
oh you missed my pound try again black
knight
sure yes you're hopeless at high five
if dave can pretend to be sick i can too
can i call in sick of all this
mary i've been talking to dave every day
and i'm sure he's really sick he's my
best friend and for once i choose to
believe him
that's because you're an idiot well
congratulations because you just crossed
the finish line in a race to hurt my
feelings all right
everybody this here is hollywood
screenwriter film director john hughes
he's here to make a movie about yours
truly now tell him
your favorite story about me and they
better be
oscar-worthy well that's not exactly why
well i'm thinking of calling it the
breakfast club
not sure why i just like breakfast and i
think i'd like a club where people
gobble pancakes and morning meat
if poor old dave wasn't so sick i'm sure
he'd do something good with that
dave is not sick quit balking at me red
dog
now pitch me something terrible like you
always do my game is called
our fairfax all i hear hey why aren't
you writing that down john hughes
jerry go and i better like listen or
your next bm's gonna look like
kidneys uh i guess i'll start with the
pitch that dave called in
because even though he's sick he cares
about game of vision no eye rolling mary
his game is called genius and it's about
a genius who finds a secret dungeon
under his office he pretends to be sick
and then he turns the dungeon into his
own
personal paradise the longer you can
fool your co-workers
the more points you get and that's how
you play genius
holy moses that is one game you can rest
your balls on
where does he come up with this stuff
that can be better than this ratty our
very own dungeon
and the walls have picture faces to wipe
with
eat it reno ratty no my last pound of
gang
come on
[Music]
hot damn jerry dave's game genius is the
first sensible pitch i heard all day
what let that be a lesson to you fire
crotch if your boobies was testicles
then maybe you could come up with
something as good as that
write that down hughes dave mysterious
possible creative genius come on john
hughes i'm about to go sit on the
commode for an hour
you should watch me and learn how a
great man eliminates but i
will put a chair across from the toilet
so you can stare into my eye
toilet good one dad bro you said we were
going to take a break and then
reevaluate from there i did not know
that this break was semi-permanent i
cannot read your mind
not yet anyway i do
like your friends it is they who do not
like
me oh you oh you want to break up that
fine it's over
i'll be in another's arms by sundown my
dear
girl problems mother is acting like a
filthy cur
that was your mother and she wants to
see other people so
typical yeah i need to get back to
watching mr larady on the toilet
i don't want to miss the ending who are
you anyway john hughes
did mother send you hmm did she send you
to spy on me
well i want you to give her a message
from me you tell
mother i will use science to supplant
her forever
i'm afraid you're mistaken i don't even
know your mother mistake nothing
i will build a better mother with my
computer skills and science
but first i must find a subtle body away
disturbing how to make this character
appealing to a general audience
and that's how i keep my pens separated
from my pencils it's just one of the
neat systems i've developed
i'd like to hear more about this dave
character he sounds so
interesting you don't think that i'm
interesting well interesting is a strong
word
dave i thought you were sick and why are
you in the floor
jerry i'm gonna tell you a secret but i
don't want your eye giants to start
leaping i can't make any promises
i'm just being honest jerry i'm not sick
i've been living in the basement for the
past seven years but you've only been
gone for a month
seriously ah anyway so awesome down
there the time just slows down man
i found a secret dungeon i have
everything a man could want porn walls
stash of weed and a talking rat all i
need now
is a blow-up doll who's the douchebag my
name is john hughes
i'm making a coming-of-age movie about
game programmers and i think you're
exactly the kind of character i've been
looking for
dave can you show me your underground
paradise i don't let strangers in my
manhole
or see my underground paradise hey you
got 100 bucks i can arrange for a rat to
suck your nips
it feels even better than it sounds dude
okay boners let's go
we're taking the day off because i am
sick of work hey but
i've been doing all your work for the
past month and aren't you sick of it
you deserve a few hours off you deserve
to have a party thrown in your honor
you deserve a party at larity's mansion
yes i do
wait what if we get caught we won't get
caught dude and when mary finds out what
a rebel you are
she won't be able to resist you do you
really think i have a chance
a bad boy like you of course now let me
work here
they'll never know we're gone well then
how's mary going to find out dude leave
it to me
and would i have a party for you without
inviting the chick you most want to bone
this is fantastic yes it is give me
another hundy and let's roll
[Music]
you're driving dude dave you know i
carpool with black steve on thursday ah
do i have to do everything
there's dean's car perfect we cannot
touch dean's car
he'll kill us why would you do that it's
a convertible
jerry i have to make it convincing now
get in oh boy
this is fun we're going to get fired and
die alone in mother loving sro
jerry listen to me although that last
part is probably true but that is why
we're doing this
so let us rock it hard
jerry you know dave isn't sick and i for
what what the
yeah freedom i knew it this is bull
and i
what the hell
it smells like nards and
irresponsibility
so dave's game pitch was real i should
have known he was too lazy to make it up
you poor girl
keep that pig fat coming boy i wants to
look nice from a movie
ew i mean oh sir what the hell do you
want
dave's not sick i just saw him and jerry
leaving with john hughes in dean's car
if you want proof i can show you the
blow up doll they left in jerry's chair
and the disgusting dungeon where dave's
been hiding
hello well i must say this is
a pleasant surprise excuse me i'm
handsome
well that is so kind of you to say
you're a lovely girl
fake it look feminine features
three usable holes excuse me four yes
you'll make an excellent mother quickly
my sweet
it's right over what the hell mr
larity i swear the doll was right there
and this is the door to dave's gross
basement mary
that's the door to my picture room no
one must ever find out about my picture
room
so just you know shut the door and
forget you ever heard me say the words
picture room i'm pretty sure i could sue
you for everything you got
none of this error happened
he wasn't sick he was down there i
believe you except uh
you know i don't have a picture room so
uh dave couldn't have been down in it
i'll just find him myself you guys will
never get past this gate it's larity's
house that speaker box probably has
voice recognition software no problem
sup bro dean probably isn't allowed to
have the key
hmm yeah i told you this isn't going to
work
dude that negativity is why mary will
not finger paint on your under paper
now i want you to say what you think
clarity would say to a sexy transsexual
on a beach at rio de janeiro
hey sexy mama i want to expect that
bottom texas style
dave this is a bad idea was vietnam and
bad idea
no way new coke uh-uh the clapper i have
no idea about that one
but people who did that stuff did it
because they didn't give a crap
we're young jerry too young to give a
crap now what do you say
are you ready to make history or be
history can you slow down
this is gold how old are you in time
years john hughes 33
whoa you're almost out of the target
demo if i get that old
i am definitely gonna kill myself
what is this place we're having a party
in jerry's honor dude unfortunately he
has no friends that's why i brought
the conch
the coach dave's having a party
dave signal man i'm crapping indoors
tonight
[Music]
[Applause]
okay it's geezer's turn to play spin the
bottle
oh no
open up jerry mr wiggles is ready to
party
oh is this a party in my honor hey
everybody having a good time
hanging out laying low i like it no i am
not having a good time
a bum is throat punching me with his
crusty tongue and i thought you said
mary was coming to this party this is
amazing
i'm getting everything i need i'm gonna
head back to game of vision and check in
with that helmeted fat guy wire out pick
me up some beers
oh also we're almost out of deodorant
and nail polish remover
[Music]
i can't believe you remembered it's my
birthday even though i told you several
times this morning
what no this isn't for you what do you
mean
[Music]
my cake that ain't your cake girl i've
been on an all birthday cake diet for
the last three weeks now
it ain't working worth the good gold
darn but it does make me feel special
every single day
that's my
are you okay i will be soon oh
look somebody brought me a present i
better unwrap it in private
you again what did mother say about my
plan did she cry
did she send you here to beg for my hand
in marriage
well you can tell that wrinkly old hag
that she blew it
new mother will be here momentarily and
she's hot as hell
like i said before i don't know
your mother deny it all you want john
hughes i don't care what you tell her
for you see this is not only science
it is weird science
wow yes you take your notes you spy
i won't bother to know exactly how i
replaced her
first i will hook this doll up to the
flux capacitor
and then i flip the
it's switch new mother welcome to earth
i am your son todd and i just gave birth
to you you're my son
ooh why don't you lose 50 pounds you hot
fat ass
oh mother i love it when you sass me
brush your teeth they smell like
gollum's butt gina you dummy oh mother
you're the dummy no you're the dummy you
are i think i have what i need yes do i
and now mother it's time for the most
crucial point of our bonding
i'll prepare your bath make sure the
water's warm and stupid
oh i will just as you like it mother the
temperature
of freshly spanked bottom work harder
harder tubby quick very well i think i'm
drawing blood yeah that's right
you do what mama says you've been
naughty your whole life
have you seen those jerk wads dave and
jerry of course they're at a party at mr
larry's house what party at larry's
house
the cool party the cool kids are all
there
maybe you're not cool they are so busted
[Music]
this is the greatest moment of my life i
won i did it i finally caught dave and
jerry red-handed
mary you made it hey do you think i'm
cool now
what no i think you're gross
and dead no i'm still in the demo you
want to play spin the bottle
get a job how am i supposed to get a job
when i'm a convicted flasher missy hey
mama wanna take the garbage bath you
are so dead say goodbye to game of
vision dave get ready to eat out of
dumpsters and sleep in your own field
already do those things mary
hojo the horse fly
ah let me go nice going hojo jo ho
ho ho ho i'm not the trespasser you guys
are
could a trespasser leave trash and
medical waste in your hot tub
yes if his name was mary that reminds me
the thousand yells above is going on in
here
i'm glad you're here so you can see you
with your own eyes we caught mary having
a party at your house dude full
party and didn't bother to invite
me huh no i caught them having a bum
orgy at your house
if you caught them then why are you
tangled up in more net than a tuna
loving dolphin
i can see it's gonna take some time to
unravel this mystery
dave whip me up a few shots of
turpentine
and some lunch meat butter and shoe
polish geezer get this man what he needs
[Music]
this is a classic case of he said he
said
now if i was king solomon i'd cut you
right in half wanna borrow mr stabby
great white demon
wait i have proof that dave was there
before me i'm listening if you're
listening stop trying to cut me in half
or maybe you should start talking faster
look in my purse there are pictures of
what i found when i got there
that's not my purse well i thought it
felt a little too lumpy
aha here we go oh all i see here is
evidence of your bum crap conquest
what no the bums at the party must have
used the camera
jerry tell mr larry the truth yeah jerry
tell mr lairdy the truth
who's your best friend who do you love
who put his ass on your face when you
were sleeping
who do you want to hold in your arms who
gave you that rash
it was dave he stole your stuff he let
bums take dirty baths in your hot
tub he was never even sick hold up hold
up
david is this true did you non-truth me
you ain't sick i ain't sick
shoot i ain't seen that much puke since
judy garland won my hot dog eating
contest
sweet taking a bath of hojo must have
gotten me sick
i am a genius but i made out with geezer
that must mean jerry
i can't believe you wavered about
telling the truth if you'd had told it
just one minute earlier
i'd consider having sex with you someday
oh don't worry buddy
i love you too much to let that happen i
jam a knife into your spine because i'm
that kind of friend
so good
you got what you need john hughes pretty
much
great tidings of glenn joy mother has
forgiven my
borrowing of her best corset and we are
getting back
together behold the token of her
affections
hmm still war todd you nasty
i have it i have it all put that filthy
pillowcase away fatty
john hughes is about to pitch my movie
yes
spending the day with you all has given
me a decade of inspiration
i now have in mind an epic called pink
breakfast candles
it's about how there's no such thing as
normal anymore we're all misfits
but in a way a mass audience can relate
to so how many black people are in this
movie well
it's not that kind of movie i get it
this movie's gonna be the mere white
america
can look in and see the idealized
version of itself
exactly well hold on wait a second this
film ain't about just me
it's about my dumb ass employees don't
nobody want to see that crap yes they do
i have the test marketing right here and
mr larity
just to show you my gratitude i would
love for you to be the producer the only
thing i'm gonna produce is five bullets
in your mouth
ah you crazy old crew
look at that hockey run no offense none
taken my man
tell me happy birthday
happy birthday now tell me you love me i
love you
say it like you mean it i love you
that's right
[Music]
ho ho