oh
funky like
[Applause]
[Music]
i love you [ __ ]
i can't believe mr larady's gonna be on
tv with the president
this is so exciting how do i look
you look gay thank you then my protein
shake diet is working
dude how did we win the presidential
medal for children's entertainment by
creating a little game called downed
power line
a ride the whip very educational turn
that off mr larity is going to be on
the president is now walking from the
hotel to his car he is on his way to the
educational entertainment ceremony to
present awards
for achievement in educational media
thank you
and uh good to see you hey reagan this
is for my pal
jody
holy crap why is my dad a video game
get out of there bro oh god
i'm sorry kid freedom ain't free see
that jody foster are you impressed i
love you jody
i'm a little impressed ladies and
gentlemen the president has been shot i
repeat
the president has been shot hey did you
see me out there
i tried to draw fire with the child to
save the president
i'm an american hero but what about the
child's welfare
epicol liberal media advocating the
rights of children
take this pink police found the wham
single careless whisper on hinckley
as well as a video game called my pal
jody a game in which a player kills a
world leader to impress actress jody
foster oh my gosh
dave that's your game there is no such
thing as bad press dude just ask charles
manson yeah
[Music]
i like that one part of the movie where
reagan was all like
quit shooting me bro ow that was funny
hey everybody
you see me on tv i am a gold darn hero
i think you might be confused about what
the definition of a hero is who's the
new fella that's mary dude oh yeah
ugh oh well ain't nothing gonna bring me
down from this high mr larry
the service secrets are here and they
want to talk to you or something
they must be here to give me my medal
for bravery
who in here is responsible for the video
game my pal jody me dude
if you want me to sign a copy it'll be
50 signing fee payable now cash
unless you've got dope in which case
let's burn what the hell calls you to
create the game
ah yes i remember that pitch i remember
it well as i recall i was incredibly
stoned when i developed see my game
is about impressing jody foster
if you do enough backflips you impress
jody foster isn't that genius
but jody won't be impressed for long so
i thought
how do you really impress jodie foster i
got it
shoot a [ __ ] world leader it's so
simple it was staring me right there in
the face so then i put it on the screen
and that
is how you win you're welcome i must
admit i tried to impress jodie foster
often
i gave her flowers i bought her
chocolates created the pet food scare of
82 i just thought if her cat got sick
and i had the only antidote it's only
natural that i'd be a hero todd 300 cats
died
oh mary you [ __ ] that is a small price
to pay for love
i love that game davey here's your
christmas bonus
yeehaw yeah you like that gold bars
don't you take it
yeah take it all you golden pile of
south african butt [ __ ]
dave cut it out at the time of the
attack john hinckley was carrying a copy
of your game
you might as well have shot the
president yourself son wait a minute
dude
my game is about a world leader named
ray gun gun g-u-n that is totally
different from president
reagan we need you to come with us and
answer some questions sir wait
are you taking him to jail i like bad
boys
hi dave if you all have any questions
please address them to wrath of bong
only he knows why i do things isn't that
right rather bong
bong wrath the bug i bought this bong at
a cantina
on tatooine ah dave once again
mixing mythologies i said come on
oh great now i'm not drunk anymore yes
that is better that is what i'm talking
about
[Applause]
i'm live at the rapeville penitentiary
where john hinckley and dave are
awaiting trial for the attempted
assassination
of president reagan i have just been
given the exclusive that a third man is
wanted in the case
george michael of wham his single
careless whisper was found on hinckley
leading some to refer to the defendants
as the sunnyvale three actuality on me
get up the sunnyville three also
corn the freeze pumpkin a [ __ ] which i
have registered with the library of
congress
i see warden if the sunnyvale 3 are
convicted game of vision head big t
larity stands to lose everything in the
inevitable civil suits brought by jodie
foster and president reagan
though your thoughts have no bearing in
the facts i wonder if you'd like to make
an uninformed comment i also
invented my dad wonderful back to you
dawn are you sure this is the place
this is what is listed as his residence
in the united states
george michael we have you surrounded
please come out and we will shoot you
repeatedly
george michael come out and keep your
hands where we can see him
hard balls eh we're going in
george michael you are hereby formally
accused of writing and performing the
song
which abetted the attempted
assassination of president reagan what's
this all about
it's about a very very careless whisper
and you're gonna go away for a long time
can you just give me a second randy can
you get down here please
[Music]
all right then what can i do for you
all right people we got to cover our
tracks if anybody asks where dave is you
just say who i don't
i don't know what you're talking about
moving on
dave never existed but if he did
he created that game on his own and
snuck it into production but if dave
gets busted won't it look bad for
gamovision
i appreciate your concern fella hello
breasts
lay off the cream pies chunky
[ __ ] dave's been my partner for
years
we can't just sell him down the river
when times get tough dang it jerry this
don't concern
you besides i gots no connection to this
game but bro
what about this commercial that we made
howdy kids
how would you like to date a sexy
available hollywood actress like jody
foster do you think she's gonna date
somebody who ain't killed a world leader
no siree five well you guys impress her
by playing my pal jody
the new game from game of fishing now
miss foster will be impressed by you
doing such
things as backflips setting wildfire
she loves it and by killing the evil
world leader
ray gunn no that's gotta hurt
by my name's big t larity and it's world
leader killing time
players confused by the seeming lack of
patriotism and or humanity involved in
marketing a game about killing a world
leader should understand that this game
is actually an endorsement of the u.s
economic policies and that it values
profit motive above human life and
dignity thank you and enjoy
my pal jody from gamer fishing
[Music]
god darn it this game's gonna drain my
meatballs like a swedish nursing student
dad talk to me bro
we're screwed when dave loses this case
the company's gonna be hell liable i'm
gonna lose all my sweet sweet money
i'd rather be dead and rich than poor
and alive
hold up big t wait i'm too handsome for
a face shot
come to think of it only ugly people
commit suicide
whoo you die's a bullet there dino
you won't have to be scarred by seeing
your old man take his own life
scar like i was when grandpappy hung
himself
at my preschool christmas pageant that's
cool no
there's a better way hey ugly get my
legal team on the phone
looking good davey thanks dude you know
this jail thing's kind of like summer
camp except with
lots of rape and a lot less sun damn it
dave you have to take this seriously
this trial could ruin your life
what trial dave calm down jerry
if these lawyer boys know what's good
for them they're gonna help us out
ain't that right cochran i'm not very
happy with this arrangement i had no
choice
your fee structure is regastar
ridiculous fine
but i want my grandma return safe all in
good time
alan dershowitz yes ally now you confuse
me
i want to love you cause you defeated
pornography
but i also want to kill you cause you
love hannah i am a complicated man
as long as we're clear on the deal you
win this case for free
but i'm gonna let the whole wide world
see them naked pictures of your dog
they said it's a deal and this cow poke
is my favorite heartless bastard
melvin berry i am gorgon who has
summoned me here
me big t i summoned you call me gorgon
only if you win dave
i pulled a couple strings to make sure
you were tried in the best court in the
land
i'm doug llewellyn and this is the
people's court
these are the defendants john hinckley
wham's george michael and dave a video
game programmer from
game of vision they're all on trial for
the attempted assassination
of president ronald reagan and for the
plaintiff we have
lawyer ben matlock mr matlock is suing
on behalf of the president for attempted
assassination
he seeks and 10 975.10
for the loss of a day's wages and the
bullet damage to the president's suit
will the shooter shoot straight or will
the plaintiff may
bury the defense find out in the case of
the prezidus
and the prezi don'ts doug llewellyn
is so doable who the [ __ ]
is doug the honorable joseph a wapner
now presiding
your honor i am gorgon this expert
witness will show that video games and
violence have
no connection please state your name
my name is howell ivy i designed the
death race game gorgon
asks the original name of your game was
pedestrian
was it not yes my game is about running
people over
many people have played my game and
never ran anyone over
i personally run people over but that's
just what i do
i object the witness is a p-brain
simpleton with no more sense than a
possum pine a raccoon then
sustained and charged gorgon is
impressed as well
no further questions your honor yeah go
outside and start up the car buddy i'm
almost out of here gun calls
is it not true that you directly ordered
my client to make the game
my pal jody
gorgon states that this witness is not
cooperating i
find the wrath of bomb to be in contempt
of court
bailiff load the witness and bring him
to my chambers wrath of bong
no this is better than sex
then you've been doing it wrong
[Music]
your honor my next witness will
establish that mr hinckley was at the
scene of the crime
but more importantly that the game
created by
dave was responsible for his actions the
state calls travis bickle to the stand
[Music]
please state your relationship to the
defendant
john hinckley hey got in my cab i'm a
taxi driver
so i go all over sunnyvale san jose
cupertino
don't matter to me all the freaks come
out at night pushes
pimps tech guys programmers
someday a great cleansing small is gonna
roll in y'all and um
that's once i saw a picture of a commune
you know i didn't look too clean so
i decided not to go dang it boy stop
that
now did john hinckley say where he was
going when you picked him up
and she was gonna go kill the president
but you know i don't i don't listen to
the
people in my cab i don't i don't really
know nothing sorry i dropped him off at
the hill
no further questions your honor i got a
permit for some of those settle down
ten minute recess
i don't know dave gorgon and dershowitz
are doing nothing to help me who um
your lawyers dave oh yeah those guys at
this point your only hope is to plead
insanity dude i'm the only person in
this whole place who isn't insane no
dave it just means that you weren't
capable of knowing right from wrong at
the time you made the game no jerry i
know right from wrong
occasionally i choose well i mean a lot
i choose to ignore that knowledge
like when i gave todd a roofie and left
him at the purple helmet or when i
called claire and pretended to be her
dead father
those things were definitely wrong but
they were wrong by choice dude
this time i didn't do anything wrong
except use drugs to do my job and make
an extremely violent video game
and that's not a crime dude that's
america actually doing drugs
is a crime dave it is when did that
happen huh that's weird just tell them
you're crazy
no because you know what's crazy that
dude can i play with you guys
i want to pretend i'm on a boat made out
of jody foster hey todd hinkley wants to
play with you what
is it i'm pretending i'm on a boat made
out of jody foster ah
role play yes it's been said more than
once
that i'm somewhat of a master let's roll
the die
and away we go into what wonderful land
is this adventure taking us
i'm pretending i'm on a boat made out of
jodie foster yes
you said that it's not a complex
campaign
but then again you're the closest friend
i've ever had so
row and stroke
boat jody wants you out of her
very well i knew it couldn't last ah
cruel fate
you've tipped your head again welcome
home jody
thanks jody jody did you pee in the sink
ladies and gentlemen of the jury
the accused are all white jodie foster
is white and the president ronald reagan
is also white
no jerry in this right mind can be
oblivious to the deleterious effect that
a lifetime of whiteness has had on all
involved
objection dang it mr cochran is
obviously
playing the race card i think paul's
having a stroke
call an ambulance motion denied i want
to see where he's going with this
what you're doing great that guy's
really weird
i am standing here with andrew ridgley
of wham he wants to remind everyone that
george michael is only one half
of the super group wham george michael
is a monkey grotty wanker
first of all a stealing army press
second of all
i'm the one who thought of the title
careless whisper
he wanted to call it imprudent murmur
that's no sexy baby i for one cannot
understand this man
but his charm transcends language let's
get back to the action
i'd like to call a character witness the
defense calls todd
to the stand oh no what can you tell us
about your good power day
well i will say this about dave he is
a boy he is a boar he is a subpar
programmer not to mention slow witted
and i would not be surprised if he was
behind the entire assassination plot
from the start
permission to treat this witness is
hostile yana and as for george michael
when i whisper sir i am very
careful and i suggest you do the same
john hinckley however
is a fine and decent man guilty only of
having chiseled features
isn't it true that like dave hinckley
and judge wapner you two are white
ha that is where you are wrong sir
i am one eighth hobbit remember the
question
hey great you and i should seriously
hang out you're awesome
i'm pretty busy
now for some reason and i'll never know
what it is my lawyers have allowed me to
make my own closing arguments
do you mind if i make myself more
comfortable i'll allow it thank you
look people everyone knows that chicks
like jodie foster love flips they also
like wildfires and assassinations
i'm kidding more than kidding really i
i'm making a critical statement about
violence and entertainment that boy is a
genius
just because some [ __ ] reenacts my game
that doesn't make it my fault games
don't cause violence
crazy selfish people with no conscience
or understanding of reality cause
violence
people like john hinckley and ronald
reagan
makes a lot of sense let me make this
even more clear with some concrete
examples
let's say i'm a volunteer at a suicide
hotline some loser calls up and he says
he wants to kill himself i say go ahead
and he does it should i still be paid
i think so but wait okay here let's say
i get a waste and drive my car into my
own living room what kind of insurance
claim do i file
none because insurance is for [ __ ] no
wait that's bad too let me say i'll get
this one
[Music]
order in the cart i have reached a
decision and if you haven't noticed the
jury is just for show
cardboard cutouts my decision is this
clearly hinckley is not guilty by reason
of being a [ __ ]
ah we'll be celebrating at the medieval
buffet in a matter of hours my friend mr
hinckley
shall be placed in a psychiatric
hospital until he gets limited home
visits in 1999
one year before the end of time thank
you guys i will wait for you
now for george michael i just got to
have faith i've got to have
faith mr michael you are guilty of
careless whisperer being a
horrible song i impose the maximum
sentence
death rusty as
for dave it's obvious that this game
caused the assassination attempt no
order in the court
my decision will rest on one item
whether hinckley can present a receipt
for the purchase
of my pal jody object the game was
clearly on hinckley's person
he said it inspired him
it's irrelevant how he got it have you
never seen the people's court sir
it always hinges on whether or not you
have the receipt and in this case
there is no proof that hinckley bought
the game my judgment is for the defense
dave
you are free to go yes sweet justice at
last
[Music]
mr matlock in your opinion was justice
served the only thing that was served in
this case was more
bull crap than a cow made of turds that
sleeps and
crap and eats so what's the next step
for you
i'm gonna spend a lot of time with my
family gonna spend a lot of time having
strokes indeed
and dave how do you feel about the
verdict what do you think about the
president and the prosecution those guys
are gay
whoa doug where'd you get that jacket
well the show gave it to me what about
upcoming game designs any
lessons learned i have some hot ideas
doug i'm not gonna lie to you first is
an educational game called
drink the kool-aid and second is uh one
i've been working on for a while
i like to call it mail bomber you need a
ride to the psychiatric hospital cause
my mom's got the car running she's right
outside no thanks man
well hey we could always be pen pals
right let's play it by ear
wait i don't have your phone number
thanks for letting me come to visit you
you really freaked me out so promise
this is the last time
of course i just thought you wanted to
know that i have expanded the gameplay
elements
significantly you can be either jody or
you can be jody's sandwich but i much
prefer the sandwich roll because
then you may enter her elementary canal
which allows for separate adventures in
both the mouth
esophagus stomach and duodenum please
let me down
no no i will not now as the sandwich you
have several choices of condiments
none because insurance is for [ __ ]