oh
good monkey very simple man
[Music]
i love you [ __ ]
black steve present [ __ ] mary do we
really have to do this got it boy
jerry present todd as todd's meet space
avatar i am licensed to conduct
communications on his behalf
every time i think you can't be any more
creeper fine
you prove me wrong
all right great let's get this pitch
meeting started dave you're
game of visions best programmer what you
got for me this week i thought today
instead of me pitching you
some ideas you could pitch me
some ideas you know like a group effort
go ahead and start riffing i'll move
over here to the garbage can where i'm
definitely not about to grow up
okay who just puked in my hands not cool
okay
not cool i love it dave those are chunks
of real world experience
and i love the smell of real world
experience especially when mixed with
tequila and cream corn what the hell
you're up fatty what you got stuffed up
your cold hole
you gonna squeeze me out of diamond this
week it is a gemstone of sort
i do a ver stop yapping like the prince
and no one gives a damn
castle and give me an idea it goes
like this just say it goes like this
behold there is a creature half rooster
half goblin he is a demi beast worthy of
tolkien
if i do say so myself and i do and
i did what the hell is that
that is the [ __ ] goblin
my friends rejoice celebrate my genius
ha ha ha indeed [ __ ] gobbling
you'll swallow entire villages
will suck life out of every man he comes
across
wait what's it called again [ __ ]
gobbling that is badass dude
really that's cool todd but what if you
called it goblin [ __ ] an answer to your
question black steven
while i do love goblin [ __ ] i have a
stronger predilection
for [ __ ] goblin it is my vision the way
i mean
now i can just see how you young people
love to be jesus out of this game
but i gotta confess i don't get it mr
larry i know you defer to me because i'm
super
cool and awesome looking and a genius
and uh i'm gonna go on record right now
here and now
and say this is the best video game
pitch ever seconded
really well that's a little hard for me
to swallow but if you say it tastes like
a hit then it's gotta be
todd i want you to get to [ __ ] goblin
toot sweet
put [ __ ] goblin at the top of your to-do
list
i want you doing nothing but
cock-gobbling until i say otherwise
fellows
i salivate at the meaty feast before me
you have handed me the golden dice of
opportunity
which i shall shake vigorously thus
before casting them into the wind of
destiny
[Music]
let me see if i got this straight fella
you steve ploznick is telling me big t
larity that you steve plasnick will not
insure my
company game of vision is that right as
we say in the insurance game
correcta mundo mr larity game of vision
has a terrible liability profile that's
a mouth turd
there is no way you can back that up son
last year alone the front of the
building was
blown off 50 japanese nationals
committed seppaku
there were 10 workplace shootings and
what's it like to be raped by
a white tiger same as getting raped by a
striped one you're racist
regardless we are unable to offer you
coverage at this time
looks like i just saved us a whole bunch
of money by not having
insurance no mr larady
the city will never allow a business of
this size to go uninsured
they're probably going to shut you down
is that so
ain't there nothing i can do to change
your mind
like for instance shoot this month sadly
that didn't change my mind
if anything it reaffirmed my opinion
that everyone who works here is
psychopathic
what now you got a problem with that
he's roasting
a corpse i don't see how you'll ever get
insured unless
unless i stab my money yeah no the only
way to restart this process is to have
your entire staff pass some detailed
psychological evaluations
i'll just put you in touch with doreen
masterson our head of evaluation good
idea
i can reason with a nice set of boobies
bring them on
[Music]
thank you very much gentlemen for your
offer to help me with the gameplay
elements of [ __ ] gobbling it's all there
buddy you just need to massage it a
little can i say i'm touched i had no
idea you guys would love [ __ ] gobbling
this much
no one could love it as much as you
after all [ __ ] goblin is your thing this
truth is true
i'm thinking of calling it todd's [ __ ]
goblin or perhaps
[ __ ] goblin by todd do you think mr
larady would agree
sure but scope this dude how about todd
the [ __ ] gobbler hot gobbler don't make
me laugh
who would cross a rooster with a turkey
it's a height of folly
you fools no gentlemen my heart is quite
set upon [ __ ] goblin
it may sound trite but i honestly
believe that [ __ ] goblin will be my
legacy brainstorm dude
what if the [ __ ] goblin had a couple of
beefy sidekicks
i'm listening well [ __ ] goblin's a hero
right and i noticed he had a very large
sword
so he needs a um oh man what do you call
a guy who takes
care of your sword squire of course
right but what would a
normal person call that guy the guy that
keeps your sword nice and shiny
a sword what polisher what i suppose a
layman would understand that
[ __ ] goblin and sword polisher [ __ ]
goblin
sword polisher yeah that feels pretty
good when you roll it around in your
mouth a little bit
and how would they get around they would
ride a unicorn
called horny and the sword polisher
would ride
like a horse in his dirty peasant dreams
no
a lowly squire rides one thing and one
thing only
an ass perfect hey what do you call a
guy who handles donkeys
an asshandler yeah write that down dude
i'll let
go listen up people
this is lady dr doreen masterson
she's here so we can show her that we're
all right in the head
cause if we don't we're what they call
uninsurable
and we all gonna lose our job so please
give her your respect and don't collar a
dog face fraud to her face
why did you just use air quotes when
they weren't even euphemisms
hey doc if i need to lose big mouth over
there i'm all right with that
now the doctor's ready to get to working
so everybody drop your trolls
i'm just kidding i do all the physicals
around here oh
okay well as you can plainly see
everybody here's as normal as cow hey
give me back my brown m
m's you little korean [ __ ] you never
catch betty
oh my god is showing uh
la like i said normal is
[Music]
i'm curious why do people here
call you black steve i don't know maybe
because i'm black
is your name steve no okay
it says here that you might have a
problem with
anger and shooting things and
people yeah it all started when i was a
kid
see i grew up with a bunch of stupid
white people who were always being nice
to me
and trying to be black hey there what is
up black steve
word your mother good [ __ ] grief
i bet you can kick this football really
far black steve
is that right juicy
what did you do that for you think just
because i'm black i'm an athlete
that's what i think your damn football
now get got before i stick my dog
on you isn't that right hoopty
wow black steve you da bomb
[Music]
grief they wanted to call out my
blackness and absorb me into their safe
lily white world
but i wouldn't let them my anger keeps
me real without it i'd be no better than
that sellout
theo huxtable do you feel me feel you
i i think yes i i do feel you all right
hey that white shrink wants to see you
keep your mind in check cause she'll
mess you up if you're not careful but
now i'm busy what are you working on i'm
working on [ __ ] goblin
once again you made a really white game
you need to add a character called the
big black [ __ ] goblin well i do like the
regular [ __ ] goblin
i must admit i'm quite interested in big
black [ __ ] goblin
let's see big black [ __ ] goblin is
frightening
but beautiful that's what they tell me
damn it's just not as funny with no one
else here to laugh at you
what am i saying yeah it is okay
benjamin what kind of things are on your
mind
candy you've said that already candy
candy candy
can you take me outside and have me go
bathroom here's my leash
oh quick get me outside lady dang oh
too late i got number one spot
[Music]
so claire tell me what's on your mind
nothing really nothing
maybe shoes shoes wait
no just nothing
[Music]
mary you might be smarter than me but
people like me
so much better than you i wish you were
in a coma so i could show you just how
much i love you
you have breasts and vagina but somehow
you are still
uninteresting i'll give you anything you
want
my name is mary you see me every day
all i want is a little respect well
anything but that
is that dream weird have you had it more
than once only 847 times
[Music]
my name is dean bro i'm rich and got
muscles and stuff
yes we've established that now i'm going
to run you through a quick battery of
tests to determine whether you are brain
damaged or [ __ ]
how many fingers is this one and this
two and this uh
some and this that's easy bro
two in the pink and one in the stink
yeah what's up
fascinating you can't count to three but
you have a command of disgusting idioms
tell me dean have you ever suffered head
trauma
okay your doctor right did my speed bag
smell or is it just me
please just answer my questions what do
you
see and remember there are no wrong
answers
two turds hugging no fighting no just
arguing wait no they're definitely
having sex but it's
angry sex oh that's easy penis in a
blender or a turtle driving a pickup
truck dealer's choice
fine and this one oh that's easy it's a
reggae band of ants and bad news the
drummer he sucks
the two of us having dinner tonight no
wait having sex and then you buy me
dinner and let me eat it off your ass
absolutely not i thought there were no
wrong answers
hi dr masterson i'm jerry please have a
seat
so what can you tell me about yourself
jerry well where do i start
i'm just a typical ordinary dude
i'm not ordinary at all i'm getting too
old
that's all the time we have for today
[Music]
i could have been a professor but no dad
said take the steady job with the
insurance company
stupid
[Music]
well you've seen them all now i guess
all but you and one other it looks like
can i take it the rest
of them were a-okay tip top not too
fruity
insurable we're talking about you right
now
mr larity now let's get back to those
word associations
just respond with the first thing that
pops into your mind
cat i know this one is garfield dolphin
intelligent good show intelligent again
three for three
marriage murder swimming pool water
orphanage arson thank you mr larity that
was a very
interesting test the only one i like
more is when they stick the q-tip
in and twirl it around hey everybody i
got a hundred percent on my tests
[ __ ] insurance evaluations are
killing me
so much garden variety crazy but nothing
truly spectacular
can someone please find todd
friends dave and jerry have been such a
big help i would not have thought to add
knob goblin if they hadn't thrusted upon
me
and the sausage dungeon is truly
inspiring todd
did you know the shrink is looking for
you curse that wretched woman
i have no time for her meddling i am
consumed with [ __ ] goblin
it's still funny ooh where'd you get the
costume todd
they've made it for me i have a freedom
of movement in this
that i don't normally in my own pants
and it's hypoallergenic hey thorax
todd the lady doctor wants to see you
bro
maybe she'll give you one of these
there's just the matter of the one
remaining employee who
one woman some of us are working on
important things
i must help [ __ ] goblin defeat the knob
goblin
by stealing his silken sack
away this could be good
[Music]
unlike many of the staff here i have no
idiosyncrasies
my life is a parade of normalcy i eat
nachos for breakfast
lunch dinner and late night snack i
sleep on a mattress i made myself from
keepsakes
mostly broken dolls and underwear i have
none of the separation anxiety that
damages so many parcels my mother bathed
me until i was well into adulthood i see
and when was the last time she bathed
you
about eight o'clock this morning and
that doesn't seem
weird there's nothing weird about it i'm
not a gymnast madam i can't reach around
behind myself
and i in turn wash mother it's a give
and take it's a very beautiful mutual
thing
who better to know every inch of a
woman's skin than her only son
go on i also pop the pimples on mother's
back sometimes she falls asleep right in
my arms
and i think how easy would beat just put
a pillow right over her face
just for a second though then i come
back to reality i'm not a monster
is that so when [ __ ] goblin makes me
famous i will give
all the credit to my dear mother and
call her mother wife
and when mother wife dies i shall make
of her
a suit of clothes so that we need never
be apart
are we done wow todd wow
you're so special right maybe
you're even special enough to write a
best-selling book about
now i need to go speak to mr larity i'm
afraid i can't let you leave
because i am not here anymore the moment
that i created the [ __ ] goblin
was the moment that i became the [ __ ]
goblin
do you see my glory dr masterson
yes caca marvelous i'll be right back
you go goblin balls
what the [ __ ]
dave for the last time will you please
keep your ass off
[Music]
how would you two pieces of white bread
like to make a black steve sound
go go goblin
this is awesome broco goblin sphere
damn cheap contraption i know i should
have ordered from captain oh
is this the end of [ __ ] goblin awesome
mr larity we have to talk with your
honor i am
not doing word association right now
boobies hey is it hot in here is it just
me whoa i was right my tri-state area
definitely smells
good boy benny i ain't for the center of
the page just like i told you
now what were you saying sexy wow just
like the fawns
you are so bad hey yo jerry stop trying
to co-op me
shut up shut up shut up i was sent to
this
company to make a psychological
evaluation of the staff
in my brief time here i have met a
raging
drug addict that's me right please say
yes a walking
cultural stereotype who you calling a
stereotype hunk is she
talking about me and the biggest
[ __ ] i've encountered since quitting
the blue whale obstetrics clinic
not to mention a narcissistic sociopath
in a position of authority mother to
race
damn i'm good at them work in my medical
opinion
you're all horrible self-absorbed jerks
if you have a decent bone in your bodies
you will lock these doors
set a fire and burn yourselves to death
sweet i'll get the gasoline
that having been said i will recommend
you for
insurance if you hand over one of your
employees to me for research
hell no i paid cash money for that
korean boy
not the boy i want the cup goblin
i want the [ __ ] goblin his pathology is
so rich
so rare he's my ticket out of this job
and onto easy street
they'll name his disease after me master
masterson
syndrome why not call it ccg compulsive
[ __ ] goblin
yes yes rejoice well that is a very
serious request
does anybody see why i shouldn't give up
the fat one to science fine by me do you
need me to take him alive
later dude you're still fat ty well it's
settled then you can have him as long as
you want
[Music]
well do you get it now
goblin no i don't get it increase the
voltage
please just tell me they were making fun
of you hit him again
i get it they were mocking me those
fools were having fun at my expense all
along
this will not stand you must release me
immediately so that i can exactly
revenge
that sounds fair god
let me in it is revenge o'clock where
are you black guard
i must exact revenge on those who
scorned my [ __ ] goblin
ah i see it's sunday the day of rest
so no one's here to receive my delivery
of vengeance
i can wait all day i'll just bide my
time
with a little [ __ ] captain hey oh
damn it it's disgusting
you're all horrible self-absorbed jerks