i don't know
a big
this game is called die die meter maid
in it
i killed the meter maid who gave me a
ticket for parking in the red zone
like that dang it black steve how many
times i got to tell you not to shoot the
tv
i ain't made of money even if my chair
is
that's a pretty cool chair huh now who's
next
it's our turn dude grab it
jiggle it okay my game is called space
assassins
you're an interplanetary mercenary sent
to kill the martian leader when i love
it jerry
if you just give it a chance i think
space assassins could be a hit clean out
your ears boy i said yes
sorry it's just that you usually say no
son i don't got time for your low
self-esteem
maybe your mama didn't hug you enough or
maybe she hugged you too much
that ain't none of my business actually
my mom died when i was 11. i don't care
i know how you feel bro a lot of my moms
are dead too
you got three days to finish the game
jerry it's a damn good idea
i'm proud of you wow that means so much
to me mister
mr goss invasion take cover well i'll be
a tio on a [ __ ]
looks like we got ourselves a brick note
seems our friends over blinko vision
have challenged us to harass you have
got to be kidding this
ain't no joke sugar britches every
company worked at salt has a team in the
all valley wrestling league great how
come we've never heard of this before
cause you got to be
jumped in by another team now bellico
vision has given us our chance
and i refuse to lose to a bunch of queer
old oklahoma fruitcakes sir i have a
letter from my doctor explaining that my
heart is precariously close to exploding
at any moment and therefore i am
prohibited
from doing exercise of any kind the
spanking account
good question i've got to make a phone
call shut it fatty mandatory try out
start
a now
[Music]
all right romero you got 20 seconds i'm
telling you this game is game
a vision's ticket to success so you've
been sent to mars right
dumb everybody knows saturn is the best
planet
anyway demons from hell come through
this yeah but don't live in space
boy he lives at the center of the earth
with hitler okay
it's got three episodes fire time's up
to cut your damn hair son
you look like a gosh darn hippie
[Music]
[Applause]
okay boys let's see what you can do get
your ass alone
you're going down clarence going down is
my specialty
make it stop dad oh make it stop
that was pathetic y'all go hit the
shower let's get
wet fatty black steve you're up
dave jerry you're on death it's just i'm
not well versed
in the ways of modern combat perhaps we
could use broad swords
dude i don't want to fight you don't
worry dude i've got it all under control
just follow my lead there it goes black
steve you're on the team son
where'd you learn them killer moves yo
i'm sorry wrestling's against my
religion i gotta go the hedgehog pose
has once again
saved me from a vicious beating dave
jerry your turn yes sir mr larry i can't
wait you know there's nothing i love
more than a good old fashioned wrestler
oh no he's having a seizure i better get
him to the hospital
go on and put a shoe in his mouth so he
doesn't bite his tongue off
yes sir it's for your own good dude and
just
where do you ladies think year ago we've
got work to do
not so fast i got some special try out
for you girls
into the jella chop chop no wait chair
my doctor says that watching hot jello
wrestling is the only cure for seizures
look it up no let me go you son of a
[ __ ] let me go
[Music]
but dude i thought you didn't want to
wrestle it's true but i
do want to see wendy covered in jello oh
it is a dilemma let's just get back to
work on space assassins
didn't you hear larrity he said he was
proud of me i don't want to let him down
well i don't want to let my wiener down
so i'm going to go see some more jello
boobs so if you excuse me and get out my
wife hey
black steve uh where'd you learn how to
wrestle like that i don't want to talk
about it jerry oh
okay i paid my way through dartmouth
doing underground wrestling matches they
call me
the black shadow wow that's really cool
no it's not
i killed a man with these hands today
brought back some bad memories
why do i kill okay uh well hey i should
probably get going now
well well well look who's back from the
hospital lickety-split
yeah modern medicine is really amazing
what did we miss were there boobies tell
me if there were boobies please say they
were boobies
only the hottest girl on girl action the
world has ever seen
damn it ow y'all should be ashamed of
yourselves where were your
fancy holes in your your signature moves
and you that wasn't the least bit foxy i
don't know how you can call yourselves
lady
wrestler we don't ain't no way i could
turn you losers into a team
y'all make me sick wait i can do better
dad i promise
don't you give up on me dad well i'm
glad that's over
ladies how about one more jello wrestle
for your old pal dave yeah
loser has to give me a handy get off my
kool-aid romero hey why haven't we fired
this guy yet you should both be
castrated
[Music]
yesterday was insane i had to shower six
times to get all that jello out of my
hair oh yeah
well i had jello in places i don't want
to mention it oh please mention them
please
let me guess i bet you it was your
vagina am i right
what the excuse me sir you are in my
city oh
yes you can sit there if you'd like i
think i pooped myself
all right listen up people black steve
was the only one of you who had any
moves
and he can't wrestle on a cow to be in
moose slim or some such nonsense
the rest of y'all were so pathetic i had
to go out and hire some ringers
allow me to introduce game of visions
new professional rock
oh excuse me i mean programmers
see they gotta actually work on the
games to qualify for the league
now this here's bulk brogan he's so
popular
they got underoos with his face on the
honey yeah jerry owns a pair
i bought those by mistake book you'll be
with mary now she's a lady pro
programmer i hope you don't mind
the movie's in your face and this here's
sergeant murder
the u.s marines trained them to give an
old-fashioned red white and blue ass
kicking
at your service sir addy soldier you're
with fatty
and then we got manly man ricky ravage
the manly man slam is one of the most
feared moves of all time i'm the
manliest man to ever stand
manly you're with claire manly men are
my favorite man
sorry i'm late i got another ticket oh
my god
black shadow it's you black shadow
that's ridiculous it is a black shadow
i thought he was dead brothers i never
heard of any black shadow you got the
wrong man
this is a conspiracy i gotta go dang it
i just had that window fixed
now where was i oh yeah my new hires
finally we got
sergey the giant he's a giant people now
he don't talk much
but he's got a phd at hurting big man
you're with dave and jerry now let's go
make some games and kick some ass people
yeah
[Music]
the giant is freaking me out shut up man
i don't want to get eaten
glad to have you on our team jerry
is going to fill you in on our new
games yeah our game is called space
assassins
you shoot stuff and kill martians
okay dude why couldn't we get one of the
other wrestlers i bet everybody's having
more fun than we are
my new game teaches girls that being
smart is
cool the bulk of maniacs out there wanna
know if you wanna go out with big bulk
sometime
i am so filing a lawsuit against this
company
ah i see you found my russian broadsword
she's a beauty russian are you some sort
of communist
well i do enjoy their iconography
especially going back
i'm gonna throw you back to russia
comrade
oh my back i will get you from toe to
toe
stop making love to me with those eyes i
like
the rough stuff too i bet everyone else
is having fun we have to sit here and
babysit a giant
do i look like a giant babysitter jerry
no you look just like a giant baby
i just want this game to be great dave
no one has ever told me they're proud of
me before okay
you know some people say i'm so hungry i
could eat a horse
i bet you could actually do it like
truly eat a horse am i right
hey blink once if i'm right uh hey dave
i just remember i have a dentist
appointment i need you to drive me i'm
not your mother
just give me a ride no please can we go
to burger lord fine
the type giant we will be right back
[Music]
oh man i'm gonna get three large fries
i'm gonna get a bunch of nuggets i'm
gonna dip them in a chocolate shake but
check this out here it is i'm gonna put
nuts in the shake before i dip the
nugget dave we're not going for fast
food and i'm not taking
you to the dentist damn it dave i don't
have a dentist appointment i just wanted
to get you out here so we could talk
without mount
sergey listening in mount sergey that's
an awesome wrestling name dave i need
you to focus
i need to turn in an awesome game and i
don't want sergey the giant to slow us
down
no jer he's going to speed us up what
does that even mean
dude it means chicks jerry loads and
loads of chicks
and the giant she'll help us in the most
awesome way
that one uh and that one and that one
yes
what the hell jerk and no not that one
she's too lippy
i love you giant what nothing listen
just think of the giant as a piece of
furniture
he's so quiet you'll forget he's even
here i guess you're right
and it could be worse right you call
that a run fatso
more like an accelerated wobble now pick
up the pace i can't breathe
i have respiratory problems you know i
like your mustache
i bet it tickles do you want to find out
sexy mama
how dare you i am a lady all right
ringers
it's time for me to take a look at what
i paid good money for so we gonna have
some practice
don't mind me i just have to rehydrate
after my fun
run just the man i wanted to see benny
if you please
round one manly man versus todd the fat
shack who's also gonna hate him so i
hope he died
oh no it was a manly man slam due to
manly man slam
whoa that was awesome bro round two in
this corner the ice wall
sergey the giant versus todd who still
smells
i do not feel comfortable doing this
well i'll be
this thing actually taught this man is
already in a great deal of pain
shut it biggie sergeant murder why don't
you show this pansy house done with
pleasure
one nuts and guts coming right up
please look into your heart now
give it a rest you're so doughy you
probably won't even feel it
oh my nuts
i could kiss you wrestlers disco party
tonight
little pre-celebration before we crush
blicko fish
drinks are on me
[Music]
this is awesome hey throw that trash can
hey grab romero hey see if you can throw
them to the uh water cooler
oh almost hey bust that wall open
thanks for the ride buddy excuse me
gentlemen i was wondering if i could
borrow your giant for an hour or
two get your own if only it was that
easy i've been looking for a giant since
i was a small boy
you may find this hard to believe but i
did not have
many friends as a child in fact the
other
children were quite mean to me and
called me
a horrible nickname i vowed that one day
i would get a giant and wreak my
terrible revenge
now won't you let me reek it please hey
giant take care of this for me
oh my back okay let's get back to work
i've decided that the second level of
space assassins needs more
spaceships when you enter the first cave
sorry jerry no time for work clarity
promise the wrestlers a disco party
they love disco dancing can you believe
it at this rate we're never gonna finish
the game i feel for you buddy i really
do but you know what when the boss says
disco party i've gots to comply
giddy up giant
[Applause]
you got some good moves out there you're
not so bad yourself
can i buy you a drinky poo i don't know
i guess one wouldn't hurt
well i used to be lance corporal murder
but i put in my time and got promoted
wow
i'm impressed sergeant murder
you can just call me murder you're
really cool hey you know what else is
cool he still lives with his mom oh
pass i'm gonna get my own place
eventually here you are
green aliens or red green or red
think jerry think hey yo jeez this is
safe to come out black steve why are you
in the air vents
jerry those wrestlers know who i am i've
been running from the black shadow for
15
years but he's finally caught up with me
you can't beat yourself up
yes you did kill a man but sometimes bad
stuff happens in the ring hey man i
didn't kill him in the ring
i strangled him in the crowd oh i just
won a match
and i was looking for my lady to
celebrate but when i found her
she was kissing another dude so i killed
him i see
um that is a little harder to justify
the thing
is the dude i killed was sergeant
murder's brother
tommy murder sergeant murder challenged
me to fight to the death but i didn't
want to kill anymore
so i changed my name and ran away turns
out i didn't run far enough
can i borrow buzzfeed to go to mexico i
um
didn't bring my wallet today
that's not my wallet you jerry i deserve
that
it's true i got a giant i got a real
live giant is that a clever way of
referring to your penis no i mean it
i have a real live giant he's got
humorous
human strength he can break walls and
throw people
so awesome he's right over there
he was here a second ago i have a giant
two baby
and big bulk is referring to his penis
yeah where the hell my giant goat
talk to somebody about this this isn't
over okay gotta finish gotta finish
gotta plow through just gotta finish
this game gotta fit black steve
dave is that you you better not be
peeing on the doorknob again
dave ah what are you doing here sergey
you need different missiles
what different missiles one to blow up
asteroid one to create force shield huh
also one to kill aliens wow that's
actually not a bad idea i didn't realize
you were paying attention no one ever
asks they are all scared of my size
they just want me to break things man
that's tough
i guess i haven't been that nice to you
either huh under all this muscle
i'm an intelligent sensitive man they
take you for
granted i get that sometimes i feel like
dave takes me for granted too
oh well i cannot change what i am
this is my curse wait tell me again
about the different missiles
well what do you think about the aliens
in level six they need bigger antenna
exactly and what should we do about
level seven the environment is all wrong
this should be in the woods of course
giant where'd you go
last night dude it's almost as if you
didn't want to help me bone drunk chicks
actually he was helping me with the game
sure he was jer i'm sure the big strong
giant helped you with this teeny tiny
brain
there you all are it's time to get
getting i need every single employee to
support game of vision today
destiny awaits and by destiny i of
course mean wrestling let's get it yeah
what he said
sergey you go on ahead i'll finish the
game thanks sir i want to get good seats
maybe grab a hot dog
okay people this is it defeat is not an
option
i'd rather you die on that map today and
let those bellico
vision losers get the best of you you
hear me
yes sir i can't hear you yes sir
this is gonna be easier than taking
candy from a stuck pig
[Music]
so
this is gonna be fun don't forget to
take your vitamins
all right i want a clean fight why don't
you pick on someone your own side
it's the black shadow black shadow you
cowardly
son of a [ __ ] yeah it's me i'm tired of
running
come and get me [ __ ] it's time for you
to pay for killing my brother that lady
stealing bastard had it coming
let's dance honky
how do you like to taste your own
medicine
guts kapow but i added one more move
and i call it the hunky twist this is
for you mom that's what i thought
winner black shadow this is so pathetic
totally but the black shadow is smoking
hot
totally and i am done
i did it we did it sergey we
did it
[Music]
dude have you seen sergey who's sergey
the giant
no dude but i did see a grown man crab
his pants i thought it'd be cool but
actually guess what it was sort of
depressing wait
sergey we did it the game is amazing
thanks to you you're not just muscles
you've got a brain
you don't have to do this
oh man that's a forfeit right only if
he's dead
yep that's forfeit
[Music]
where's all the man-meat i had to let
him go even bulk brogan
yep but i loved him
[Music]
i'll never be loved again game of
vision's been banned from the wrestling
league apparently you can't kill a man
in a sporting event these days
gosh dawn government anyway no wrestling
no ringers but that's all right by me we
leave the league with the perfect record
everybody win except for the guy that
died well yes thank you i guess he
didn't make it out so well
moving on uh jerry you're up let's see
some space asses
um it's actually space assassins sir
oh no that don't sound so sexy let's see
it anyway go on
in space assassins you play jack
spaceman
a pilot charged with defeating the
martian invasion you have several
different defenses the first of which is
very important
so then you hit the martian leader 10
times and you use a final kick to kill
him and that's how you win
space assassins here wow he made a great
game
i'm proud of you jerry and i bet your
dad mama is too
up in heaven or hell i don't know if
she's a good woman or not thank you sir
and thank you sergey jerry you fell in
love with the giant didn't you
shut up hey everyone jerry is gay for
giants
maybe i am gay for giants maybe i am
[Music]
do the manly man slam do the manly man
slam