oh
[Music]
fuzzy secret heart
[Music]
weren't you the one who did that to him
mr lyrics call the sports injury [ __ ]
now let's get back to old numero uno
right here
oh yes most exciting the syphilis that's
the last time i book a flight with
layover in reno the syphilis has cleared
up you are free to copulate with
whomever you choose
watch your back linda evans we're about
to take a trip to brown town but you've
got a much more urgent condition
in your ears say what you have butthole
cancer what are you talking about
it affects 99 of ceos and 100
of politicians at some point in their
lives we're going to have to remove your
butthole before it spreads well all
right remove my butthole then
there gonna be any side effects
[Music]
gosh dog it all black steve this the
fourth time this month something you've
done is landed me smack dab in the
middle of a federal investigation hey
it wasn't me it was you and that's why
i'm gonna have to say black steve
you are promoted whoa promoted well i
guess so
i admire your gumption my friend i'm
committed to a diverse intolerant
workplace
your job is safe here buddy can we touch
hands
damn mr larry i thought i was gonna have
to smoke you
mary your game where the little girl
gets points by picking up feminist
protest signs
was just ridiculously awesome
really yes i truly appreciate the
perspective you bring
to our off male dominated profession
i am putting your game into production i
admire you not just
as a woman but as an equal thanks mr
larady what in the cumberland gap
is wrong with me thanks for all the hard
work boys
there's plenty more where that came from
go nuts
wow i can't accept this yeah now my
money will not be lonely
what is this tiny little knife for
patience my krusty cowboy
all will be revealed later i am glad we
could spend this time together fatty
ah i'm sorry i mean todd the kimono who
i
wanted with a patch in the back for easy
access
thank you mr larity thank you
thank you
[Music]
he's gonna have gay sex in that thing
and that don't make me want to throw up
at all
something's wrong you really mean it mr
larty
you let me out of cage to go to school
like a regular boy
that's right benny thank you guard we
don't need you anymore
i am to pay you back for all you've done
for a fur i'm gonna personally pay for a
scholarship
those side effects my foot
what you done to me ass
all right people listen up it's become
very clear to me
that i cannot be a tyrannical boss with
my ass not intact
that's right folks i have butthole
cancer
and i had to have the duke removed
what's the do
that's what i call my butt son dude your
rectum is gone
that is no bueno so for now dean is
pumping me full of some sort of c.i.a
rage drug i got it from the c.i.a shut
your damn pie hole dean
but soon i gotta find me a brand new
crap tank
get a transplant only problem is
transplants are real hard to come by
these days
gotta get on the donor list unless of
course some caring person volunteers
who here is gonna pony up their farm
come on now people
here's your chance to get in good with
your boss man
the first person who comes forward wins
this certificate of appreciation
it's worth four percent of my respects
kinda worn out but you can have mine
anybody except clarence what about you
dave
sorry dude i'm saving myself for mr
drummond on different strokes oh dave
what are you talking about we've been
through this a million times already
jerry
you know if i was going to give up my
bungle for anybody it would be for mr
drummond on different strokes oh right
i forgot fine dave's saving himself for
mr drummond
what about the rest of you any
volunteers what about you
wait who the hell are you oh mr lara
dear i'm so sorry
this is not an employee this is my new
wife
ping she just arrived in the mail from
vietnam i mean we're in love
deep love you may call her mrs todd
no no no ping we are married now
that means no massage only me
todd san get massaging ruby rub only
toddy
she's slightly [ __ ] but damaged
goods are cheap goods
oh you will not believe how far the
dollar goes in vietnam
yeah right there oh my god
oh excuse me did i say that out loud
okay
seriously first the rectal talk now this
i'm gonna puke stop exaggerating well
it's clear we're never gonna get a new
ass here
damn let's get getting i got myself an
idea
[Music]
so you're having a transplant yep
couldn't do my job properly
plus that keeps happening you missed one
sorry about that miss
maybe when this is all over we could
have sex
i'm actually quite charming
[Music]
how did you jump to the top of the
transplant list let's just say
the hell of your hospital killed a
hooker and i got pictures
this anesthetic doesn't really allow for
subtlety
be strong dad and if you die i hope they
take it easy on you in hell
mr lady i am now removing your butthole
well dad you got a new poop shoot how
does it feel it's almost as painful as
the day i'd realized your mama had given
birth to a [ __ ]
now get home and change your clothes
before somebody sticks you in the zoo
where you belong
it's working already let's shatter some
feelings
ping as my wife you will have certain
duties mama
later my vietnamese vixen now there will
be times
when you will be required by marital law
to walk around
in the nude most of the time this will
be
always now yes of course which leads me
to the next rule
you must cook and clean sweet
buddha
right by the kegel
oh bro you all right guys it's this new
keister
it's so bulbous and cumbersome it's
popped my hips out a joint twice
feels like i got a travel trailer back
there it say anything in them to our
papers that might explain this nah
just some stuff about the donor lakisha
adams
24 year old female accidentally crushed
to death backstage at a two life crew
concert
huh well i don't know what that has to
do with anything hey yo
baby got back you can't deny that baby
don't mama i can put a stereo on that
thing oh man
afternoon gentlemen afternoon this show
yeah
boy you crazy let's get to get boys
listen up dean i need you to be as cool
as eliminating a hooker's belly button
you get me boy no problem dad hey mr lip
whoa howdy there gals holy
did your ass eat a beach ball no i've
just been working out
uh what do you ladies been up to yeah uh
you usually don't care well this little
brush with death has made me care about
people that normally wouldn't matter to
me
because i consider them a waste of space
thank you dang
will you stop putting things on my ass
hey mr larady if you're not busy next
saturday you want to help me move
i could really use your ass to back load
stuff yo have you heard this new beat by
mwa no who the hell is mwm
with an attitude it's infotainment you
ignorant [ __ ]
it informs and entertains who the hell
cares i gots to get get
hey what incarnation is going on back
there
but it has a life of its own work it hey
berserky i've got to hit it and quitting
wow
black steve is really getting up in
there
his anaconda really wants some hon and
that guy got the bun
turn off goddamn music that's little
rudy in my tootie
i can't do it bro these things with more
than one button confuse me this has my
vote for best
day ever oh yeah
why aren't we meeting in the conference
room dad cause lakeisha ate too many ho
ho's once upon a time
and now her big behind won't fit in my
chair now just shut up and focus
now i know this is an unusual place to
pitch games
but i thought a little change up in the
old curve ball might do us some good
so who's first yo man i want to talk
about my new game homie pigeon
dave and jerry help me with it so in
this
um homie pigeon is like this pigeon
right
and he's a homie damn back that ass up
[ __ ] yeah what in the hell
sorry man it's like thanksgiving time
every day of the year back there and
black steve's got the stuff
in who's next what's the damn funny
people uh nothing sir
um i have something dude what are you
doing getting to the bottom of this dude
um i was wondering if you heard the song
make it stop my ass is not a place
hey okay i guess i best come clean
i had myself an ass transplant but i am
still the same big t
larity you all have grown to know and
love love
this black ass of mine is a gift but
it's also a curse wait did you just say
black ass yeah what do you mean i'm
going out on a limb here
but maybe it would help us understand if
we actually
saw it dude what are you doing okay i
guess i could show you
oh that's great but it's great larity
has a black ass
not just any black ass it is a lady
black ass look at
it i am not an animal ah gotcha
oh something's wrong something's wrong
with my hoe
quit somebody call an ambulance i'm
sorry were you talking to us
jerry i'm scared man your dad's gonna be
just fine dean don't worry
no you didn't let me finish i'm scared
of spiders
wow dean you're really an idiot do you
think if i use this it'll render me
sterile
we can only help dude that would save me
so much money on condoms and wasted time
pulling out
you should pay for half the abortion
dave you did this to me blah blah blah
blah blah
ladies be quiet that's what i have to
say to you mr larity
i'm thomas asshat whoa thomas asshat the
number one ass doctor in the united
states
you know that i read about him and asked
master monthly what you guys don't read
yes i am the best nurse get me a pina
colada stat and get mr larity a pina
colada
mr larity your body has rejected your
big black ass it's currently fighting
your big black ass
tooth and nail i don't understand doc we
see about three of these every year
that's why we made this video to help
our patients understand what's
going on inside their changing bodies
your ass is eating your white blood
cells
which we can deal with through
medication but it is also
eating the ghosts in your body that make
up your
soul this we have no medication for
your ass must be removed asap if you are
to live oh man damn it i can't go back
to having no
ass it made me soft no ass is no longer
an option mr larity
the adverse reaction to your transplant
has eaten your sphincter
somebody say eating your sphincter
yeah please listen to this old drunk as
i need to state this
as dramatically as possible if you want
to live
we must find a donor in the next 24
hours
whoa hey check this out how cool is this
there's actually a shampoo bottle
inside my rectal wall shampoo bottle
this man just might have the butthole we
need
dave i need you on this one big time my
ass is on the line that's one
horrible joke what you say dave we gonna
be butt buddies oh yeah
no i don't think so but hey thanks
anyway well then your boss is going to
die
nurse screwdriver the one with vodka
[Music]
i can't believe this is how olarity's
gonna say
sayonara men do
perish dean tough men to
perish whistlerty because i am not only
the best programmer in your organization
but your best friend
i may have a solution to your problem
yes well what is it boy my good lady
ping may be able to procure a body part
from contacts she has in her home
country
but you must understand that this is not
technically i get it a foreign black
market ass
that's the perfect plan yeah cause no
one would ever think of that
nerd with cow horns you're a genius if
this thing works out
consider yourself my new vice president
of game development yes
the era of todd is coming at last
history books save a place for me dude
maybe you should have donated that ass
[Music]
[Applause]
jerry check this out if you run into the
brick wall on my new game drunk tank
you go to a secret level where you can
have sex with mermaids
well how do you have sex with a mermaid
uh you do earn a flipper
hey ping i guess uh todd's already
getting his vice president business
cards printed up huh
you like a massage no thanks i'm good
i gotta go meet black steve he needs
help with homey pigeon too what kind of
massage
you truly have a gift i cannot believe
you people killed my father
well i guess it's time to let bygones be
bygones mama
i don't see why not oh ping my little
mail order
mother of moses todd your wife is
awesome
she has tiny tiny hands and they go
everywhere
i will give you 40 bucks and my car for
her dave you have soiled my woman
and endangered the coming era of todd
not
cool dude dude from what i've seen i am
not endangering any coming era you know
what i'm saying
i must challenge you to a duel friday at
1 30. wait
that's not your time maybe 1 45
no i want to give my food time to digest
how about dawn fine very classy
unlike that wow you really did a little
number on little dave i mean little dave
has crawled up about a foot in my chest
i'll leave you two some private time
while i try to find little dave little
dave come out
round two is upon us king i can't
believe you i
just had you well i don't see why not
yeah won't be long now boy dad
to plane to plane here it comes now
my wonderful rice patty pooper what the
hell
is full ecovision they must have
installed new security
no no landmark coming i would not be
denying that ass
chop her down chop her down oh no
my vietnamese
boy we gots to track down that nerd and
find me a new butthole or i ain't gonna
make it you hear me
not make it
what are you gonna do with all the money
son now that your pappy is dead
something totally awesome
dragons are cool yes we are
dang are you having that dragon dream
again no
come on let's go find fatty see you soon
dragon
[Music]
i admire your courage david for today
you die
and i the hero become legend shut it why
are we using swords these broadswords
are the customary dueling weapons in
the great land of tawdonia isn't todonia
a place you made up
maybe silence fear not my lady i shall
avenge your stolen honor
my
yeah maybe in a minute i just want to
watch your owner die um
you were supposed to parry now i have to
wait for you to wake up
crap ping massage jay i need this one
nerd poor thank god that most of you are
here yes mr larady
here and ready to assume my job as vice
president of game development
i have slain a man to prove my worth
wait wait he's not dead
come on jerry don't be a jerk all right
not so fast sparky
your chopper went down in flames so we
gots to find a new ass pronto
or i'm gonna die and if i go i'mma gonna
take you
with me um interesting
[Music]
cut that out that's chinatown there
whether she's got a backup rump for me
money is no object king
you are killing me you are literally
killing me
push one more of my buttons and we are
not going to sizzler tonight
ain't there anything you can do massager
that doesn't help yo i'll take one
well i guess this is it unless we can
somehow find a matching ass in the next
few hours
uh-oh dave dave you might want to wake
up now dave
where am i i'm sorry david i had to take
your ass
it was a matter of life and death oh you
win some you lose some
i'm glad you understand son yeah that
one had herpes anyway
gosh darn it i knew that itching wasn't
from them stitches whose ass did i end
up with some blonde sorority girl who
died in a cheerleading accident you got
a hot ass bro
we all figured that way you could check
yourself out oh you guys are the best
oh man my ass is so hot look at it
i'm totally gonna feel myself up well i
really appreciate it
why don't you let me know if there's
anything i can do for you in return just
don't let todd be vice president of game
development
fine i'll let him know as soon as he
gets back from his honeymoon
i don't want to spoil his good time ping
we're going to be late for our honeymoon
rum the world international role-playing
championships and chili cook-off waits
for no one
get your little szechuan sticky buns out
here
pink pink
your wife has been teeing off everyone
in the office it's only fair that me and
my cousin get a turn
i love her
i suppose i understand despite the fact
that i rescued you from a miserable
existence
love is love and if you love black steve
and his various cousins
more than you love me i'm not going to
stand in your way
but know this ping you've broken my
heart into
thousands of tiny pieces and i'm not
sure it'll ever be a whole again
see why not no not the back the front
who the hell wants a back massage from
you
science is what i've been learning them
sort of is how to be part of the
criminal
is how i was raised