no one might be like
fuzzy secret heart
[Music]
dave gross oh dave how many of those
pastrami bombs did you eat it's more
like how many of those pastrami bombs
didn't i eat which is zero
what in the hell i'll save you dad now
listen up this here's mr matsui
and mr noshi they from the pretendo
corporation
they're visiting us all the way from
japan
that's a country in non-america isn't
that right
fellas hi zoe he's the founder of
protando
maker of such games as run run sticky
bun smiley dragon face ball eater
sad mr crying cloud hello he is the john
hughes of video games dude i crap better
games than those
like a kid's ever gonna play a japanese
video game what's it gonna be called i'm
superior at math and our country has
zero blonde chicks
dave now as y'all know these sneaky
bastards are gonna own
every business in america in the next
six or seven
weeks so we're getting ahead of the
curve and considering a merger
so come to the pitch meeting this
afternoon with the best you got
i want these boys to see that americans
don't have to drop
a bombs on their cities in order to get
their attention
the a-bomb is a hip term that the black
people say
ain't that rad black steve yeah that's
right you honkified white bread cracker
mother
most honored if chocolate man take
picture with us
asian honkies
this is my office mr matasui and this is
mrs larity number four
god rest her soul say hello sweetie
happens all the time oh and this is my
genuine stuffed chatterman
dang it all i'm stupid i meant to say
stuffed china person
what's wrong you don't know him do you
all right let's keep on moving
dude what the hell are you doing oh dude
i'm trying to see if i can levitate
um no but i do think it's possible that
we have absolutely nothing to pitch
today
oh what's this yeah four new games i did
it last night they're only amazing
yeah you're welcome how late last night
don't know i just woke up with my pants
around my ankles and this disc in my
hand but since i am the best game
programmer i guarantee that they're 100
awesome dave
i refuse to put my name on any of those
insane games you came up with when you
were unconscious
they're the kind of games that rhyme
with titty dude calm down you know i do
my best work when i don't know what i'm
working on
just like alfred einstein now do you
have any toilet paper on you
[Music]
so the whole point of the game is that
girls can be just as strong as boys
and that's why princess flower is the
hero
ah thank you very much you miss it now
please that their game is going to be
huge in your country
very [ __ ] friendly don't you think
yes very impressed please to see
dave and jerry thanks bro our first game
is called
pizza man oh no dave you promised
uh so tasty dave what huh oh don't worry
dude if that didn't get him
this will moon tennis anyone
you get to play tennis on the moon
can you imagine that well i did because
that's my job
and what about bacon avenger
don't break the eggs he likes it yeah
that little guy likes it in the corner
my partner here is just having a little
fun we love these games
please not to be offended but the rest
of what we see today was
very terrible especially those created
by
fat homosexual with hornets nobody talks
to my friend like that
black steve i'm going to make them
apologize but these games
these games we have don't break the eggs
yeah don't break the eggs
[Music]
good job boys i guess i should have
figured
a bunch of foreigners wouldn't know from
shinola
don't break eggs the pretended boys are
going do you want to come out i've got
work to do so you go ahead
dave i'm sorry i doubted you yeah i'm
used to it by now
wow what the were you just asleep under
my desk
oh sorry mr matsui keep me working for
142 consecutive hours
i mostly sleep on the desk in my office
back in japan
it is all i deserve do you perhaps have
any
uh amphetamines no hey but benny's
usually holding come on
watashi no namae wah tad
toiri
[Music]
yeah it's five o'clock but i like
putting an extra hour so back to work
for me
see you later guys ah you work very hard
i can tell
and very bright man not sure to knock
you when you find on the desk
shoot you forgive for saying but isn't
the most american gun
crazy idiot no that's just a stereotype
there's another one stand over behind me
so i got some bigger target
over here dad oh lock it up boy
jenny son he's all right if i carry you
yeah
actually that's kind of awesome jerry
sang when murder happens you come back
with us to headquarter in tokyo
in japan hard-working programmer has
treated like god
you must be tallest man in the whole
world why yes i am the tallest man in
the world
you are biggest i've ever seen five
inches
that's as big as they get baby i'll
definitely think about it
hey but what about my partner dave ah
yes
the smeariest of you all we will figure
out what is best but
are you not entirely sure he fit in with
restrained
polite
[Music]
you culture anybody who can always keep
up with me automatically qualifies for
bro status what do you mean almost you
are the one who can
almost keep up with us oh yeah well we
may have bailed you guys out in ww2 but
don't expect any mercy this go around
hodgie
come here give me a hug you truly
believe
you can out consume the men of protendo
mana protendo please
mr sad crying cloud is probably the
gayest game i've ever seen
you guys really turned up the suck knob
on that one
hey boys who needs boobs in their face
silent talk
my back holy yes in japanese business
school
we train in all mental and physical arts
including eating and drinking contests
now
we battle yeah i don't know i don't
think our bosses would like us fighting
like this mr matsui
does not know of this and you will not
tell larity
now you will wager your honor against
kobatashi i don't have any honor
bring it on
[Music]
you want to go [ __ ] now it's on shake
it off dave shake it off i'm coming to
get you here comes daddy you're gonna
shut up
i will eat it
[Music]
oh man i'm gonna die tonight
america's honor man i'm gonna eat its
face off
you can do it man it probably tastes
like chicken doesn't taste like chicken
it tastes like
ass may i
do not break eggs hey that's my line
[Music]
ow who the hell are you i was watching
you tonight
you have a great potential to be all
time
eating champion i should know i
used to be champion you see the part
where i lost
forget it old man tell me dave how did
you
feel the rules did it burn yeah burn my
ass a little bit wait wait how do you
know my name
is coach's job to know everything
also it is written on your shirt no it
isn't
your talent is raw just
like you oh crap
it's a training you will follow in my
footsteps
and defeat those who have humiliated you
here tonight
it would feel pretty good to humiliate
kobatashi uh
jesus
[Music]
are you like this all the time very
sorry
i am very drunk on the very
cheap sake all right man let's do it
let's murder those [ __ ] bastards no
offense
none taken hey you got it exactly
we keep the one employee jerry sang to
make it technically a murder
the rest are liquidated 15
million no problem done
all right good night to you too holy
hey take wax dude i'm here to train to
be an eating champ i'm not here to wash
your truck you
eat what what hey do not to be
chicken eat wax i'll show you chicken
i'll show you chicken all the way to the
bank
you really got me on that last round dad
my head's like a magnet for bullets
maybe if you'd pointed at the bat better
i haven't known where to shoot
now go sit in your failure corner son mr
larity thank god you're
why's that other dave what's sticking in
your crawl boy
it's pretendo mr larity they don't
really want a merger
they're just gonna give you 15 million
dollars and then liquidate the company
what in the hell that is a gosh darn
outrage that's what i said
it's they told me 20. it's a sneak
attack it worked at pearl harbor
but it ain't going to work at larity
harbor where's that dad
near idiot street in dumbass lane you
knew about this
[ __ ] son i made the deal the american
video game sector is doomed
i'm getting out while the gettin's good
i'm putting all my money in mutant
repellent
what for when the russkies drop them
bombs on us
every american family is gonna need its
own stock of mutant
repellent look oh my face hurts like
fire that's a ticket
good job dean now get back in your
corner thanks judge
oh i'm sorry son i'm afraid it's over
now get getting yeah but mr larity we
need i said
get before you get a snoop full of
mutant mace
see fence dude i am not painting your
fence and i've been peeing blood all day
so i think i have wax poisoning
no paint offense you drink hint
cover fence but that will kill me
it is non-toxic paint don't
be a baby a goo gaga i'll show you who's
a baby
we have to stop this merger it's too
late the merger's gonna go through
whether we like it or not we can do this
where's your can-do spirit
what do you care everybody knows that
you've still got a job no matter what
happens
i care a whole lot you might even say i
care 50 states worth
plus the commonwealth of puerto rico i
care about democracy and i care about
freedom
apple pie baseball and keeping our jobs
in the good old u.s event well the
japanese
love baseball and they are not americans
shut up todd
one of their teams is called the nepad
ham fighters ham
that sounds good it's 10 30 right
i gotta take a handbrake
they
copy that good buddy go ahead jerry tell
us your plan
my plan oh my plan the plan to get rid
of pretendo and block the merger yes sir
gotta have a plan honestly i'm at a loss
dave's usually the one that comes up
with the evil plan
so go get dave idiot yeah d we'll know
what to do
great idea the thing is though is dave's
a little bit m.i.a
no problem man i know how we can find
him
you like my new deck is impressive
no why do you want me to eat it do not
be silly
only eat sodas eat sawdust yeah sure why
not
who's the chicken now baby huh are you
happy you know what i thought you were
training me
but this is bull i'm done no only
getting started show me eat the burger
[Music]
wood chip make a stomach tough
now you can eat anything you
ready
[Music]
tell us where dave is are your brains
about to have company mother
do not kill me chuckle little demon
he has gone underground he has become
mushy musha well what's that it means
food warrior
underground competitive eating clubs
really bad jay
i double majored in japanese at
dartmouth alright where is this club
[Music]
do you have a problem with that mr
rollins
sleep what the hell
championship versus competition hey dave
let's go back to game of vision we'll
see if we can find you an ice pack
it is the time to reclaim
honor i don't know if i can do it man
well you heard the man there's no way he
can win
okay dave let's go we have a situation
here i get it jerry
first you do out of my programming and
now you doubt my eating well i'll show
you
wait dave bring it i'm not afraid of
eels nice
holy dame come on man you can do it you
can do it eat their faces off
dave i'll never doubt you again now
listen you have to come back to work we
have to block a merger with protendo
and you're the only one who could save
us wait there you go
sorry dude i have to save game of vision
and i am still
pooping sawdust and in conclusion i
propose that we cast a spell of wellness
over the entire company
i need you all to hold hands and stand
in a circle i will strip my clothes off
and get in the middle i just need to go
get it all right everybody i brought
back dave just as i promised now dave
tell us how we're gonna stop this merger
tell us the plan right the plan
is simple we just need to pull some
crazy pranks
freak out the japanese and send them
running back
to tokyo with their sushi between their
legs
oh my god let's do this
[Music]
okay they're coming here we go here we
go here
that was your big surprise dave pigs
dude the japanese hate pork
it's against their japanese religion
that's jews dave
i think i'm getting my js confused
explain to me the difference between the
jews and the japanese
fellas this new game of vision's gonna
be hotter than nagasaki after we dropped
a bomb on you
darn it i'm sorry i keep forgetting not
to say that
it's me mothra
claire it's gonna be great i'll grab
your chest and then i'm gonna pretend
your boobs are dials oh yeah just like
that
and then i'll say tune into tokyo tune
into tokyo and i'll do this for about 30
minutes or so now but how does that get
rid of the japanese
damn it claire do you want to stop this
merger or not you have to give woman
boys i want to talk to you now follow me
oh crap hey jerry i'm not feeling so hot
do you have any live eels
jeff i regret to inform you is that you
are not performing up to expectation
you are struck but i can try harder i i
have this new game called shorter to
cook it's really really cool i swear
i sorry
[Music]
mr matsui said i need to learn how to
fire employee correctly well
mission accomplished can we have the
office for a moment you know what i'm
glad i never got to know him he seems
like a dick boys
i know what you're trying to do and your
passion to keep game of vision alive has
touched me in a way
that i haven't been touched since i was
a kid
i appreciate it but your plans not work
so what should we do you can't just
scare off the japanese
fellas no you gotta prove to them that
you can be just as efficient as they are
these buggers have small little hands so
they got an unfair advantage
their tiny fingers just fly all over
them keyboards
not like our big american bear paws
check out these sumbitches
only good for three things fighting
diddling
and counting money so we blow them away
with our efficiency
son to impress these suckers you'd have
to break protendo's
one-day efficiency wreck are you saying
you doubt us
i like you spunk son i stalled for 24
hours just to give you a shot
right now
[Music]
tonight we come together
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
oh my god does this mean that the
merger's off that never was a merger son
what never was a deal i brought mr
matsui here to prove a little theory of
mine
see i always thought that you all were a
bunch of lazy jackasses
and this whining about creative freedom
was all just a bunch of hooey i figured
under the right circumstances
you all could work for 24 hours straight
and guess what
big t wins again y'all set a brand new
one day efficiency record
plus there's 20 dead japanese fellas to
boot
correction 21 dead japanese
all in all i'd call today a big win
jennison yeah no she
what she did was quite amazing
you would have done wearing tokyo thanks
but i don't think i could have left game
vision
these people are my family here i'm
going to you up later dog hey
all right black steve i want you to have
my
wakizasi thanks but most of all no she i
think i like working in the usa
clarity and most americans might be
crazy but we're proud of who we are and
i think that counts for something
no she this is awkward
[Music]
well i'd like to announce a merger
introducing our new investors from
duchenne matching house in haasencorp
we'll get started with the interrupt our
personality profiles in just a minute
couldn't talk
my hair should we all go burn some books
you do not ask the questions people make
an example of
this one nothing
you guys rule especially you toshik