oh
a big
[Music]
so the world is finally ready to
comprehend the genius that
is gargoyles versus cyborgs in
conclusion
congratulations to me on game of
vision's latest hit
you are welcome you're more useless than
a hooker at a queer convention huh a
dance is old as time itself
you the wily old king i
the brave slender young knight anybody
know what the half wit with the horns is
yapping about uh sir todd wants to make
out with you dave you better keep your
pie hole shut
this ain't a game we're playing fellas
except that it is
but instead of scoring baskets you got
to make money to win this game
now you guys better score me some money
baskets or else i'll get some big black
fellas in here who can
am i clear i have some ideas not now
woman
i'm teaching but i think my new game
could be great it's called
space marines so you play a super
soldier in a gigantic space station and
you battle an alliance
of aliens and super parasites that want
to eat your brain i love it dave
make it happen a double s ap what do you
mean dave what's that sweet g i mean
that's my idea that's cute hey everybody
she thinks she made a video game i know
such an active imagination the next
thing she wants to do is probably like
vote or something like that
don't be selfish mary this is really big
for me i just need you to be cool for
once in your life
women's just can't hold their water
right fellas
oh mother men with their
ideas that they can shove right up there
bad word lady
why are you going or you wouldn't
understand you were born with a penis
not already i think i am knowing this
old boy's club here
and you and me don't have one card to
get in
exactly my little friend exactly before
grandfather died
he said if you make kimchi look like
bibimbap people will think kimchi
is b bop i think i
understand thanks benny i know just what
to do
oh yeah you're gonna like the way you
look snap into a dress shirt
come on lady how long's it take to put
pants on lady
who you calling lady say goodbye to mary
and hello to
mitch what you doing lady mitch i am
mary
you are one handsome dude lady
i mean me yay i mean uh whatever yay
[Music]
um hello beautiful my name's
mitch i i wonder if you might point me
in the direction of mr lairdy because
you see
i've never been here before i'd be happy
to point the way mitch
i'm claire your leather jacket is really
cool
thanks i may program for a living but i
live to break dance wow
sensitive and dancer maybe you could buy
me dinner and tell me more
watch out man this crew won't go
downtown to the 14th day
shut up claire i'm a busy man busy with
man things so if mr larady is available
i'd really like
fine why aren't you flirting with me
guys usually flirt with me
oh well because i respect you you're
a lady claire not a piece of meat
so this game space marines part of the
lame farm but guess what
i have an awesome new video game that i
have invented and i call it
cobras versus chimps oh my god look at
that good day gentlemen
my name is mitch i'm mary's brother
and i'm afraid i have some bad news
mary's dead
yeah i think chimps and cobras is a
guaranteed did you hear what this guy
said dave mary is gone yes she's gone
she died a hero oh my gosh is mary the
one with the nice hooters
by nice you mean minuscule then yes
what is wrong with you guys our talented
smart beautiful mary is gone
shouldn't you separate them you know
what i'm sure they'll work it out
sir mary's dying wish was that i come to
game of vision
and continue her life's work i don't
know about that
we do some pretty complicated stuff here
at game of vision
you know how i got where i am today
mitch instinct
and marrying rich women what i'm saying
is you're hired
hey jerry help this down and get comfy
in the hay wait that doesn't mean have
sex with them right get
getting y'all
hey mitch did your sister ever tell you
that jerry wanted to bang what the hell
man hi mitch
just wanted to see if i could get you
anything i'll take a chocolate milkshake
extra thick and you can take a vanilla
dave extra quick
creep i deserve to be treated like a
lady well claire sucks
but sucking is my favorite thing about
women
get it i said i like it when they suck
give me a high five on that whoa
look at the gay lovers i better go get
some work done yeah
i'm gonna take a lap and check out the
local talent hey do you think there's
anything kind of off about that guy
he's definitely not like anybody i've
ever known
[Music]
ahoy mitchell sire prizzy i beg you to
join me
i bet you're tired of those heathens
jerry and dave huh
between us jerry's a complete waste of
space and dave is
high on marijuana he calls it medicine
so what you're saying is
this place is really to miss mary
completely incorrect
mary was nice enough but not that
talented
not that talented you are
completely right but you can't blame
mary
after all she's just a chick they're
only good for two things you tell me
what these two things are
cleaning and babies ah too true
such simple creatures with small brains
i read that their brains are the same
size as dogs
ah a fellow reader of the journal of
animal
and women's sciences you know mitchell
you're the first person around here who
really
gets me i suggest we declare ourselves
best friends
what say you good sir wonderful it's
settled let us forge this pact
with our new best pal handshake how's
that go
let me show you i've created this
handshake when i was seven
and i've waited decades to find a friend
so i could unveil it
and shake around the corner take the dog
back out walk it back in
thumb up pinky down square upon the
pinky
ring finger back up and float it down
with the butterfly
bing bong open the door the churches let
out and slap it around
there we're best friends wow yeah i knew
you'd like it
now it's time for best pals to share
their deepest secrets
let me introduce you to betsy sk 4000
the star of my pet project
gargoyles vs cyborgs is she or is she
not
the hottest creature in this or any
other galaxy
yeah that's one hot robot lady
now what are you doing you disgusting
pervert
uh that's a compliment dude who doesn't
love rubbing their thingy to video games
and by all means
join me my newfound friend it's not gay
if we don't make eye contact
thanks yeah i i wish i could but
i just ate and i gotta wait 30 minutes
you know my trainer says so
i'm gonna let you get back to it and i'm
gonna go
wait you wanna do the handshake
yeah i'm good
mitch my boy you have got a gift oh my
god
dave jaffe hello dave jaffee mr larady
i'm really excited to start work for
game of vision changing plans kid
i decided to hire mitch here instead
he's a man of experience you're
firing me before i get a chance to start
you got it jeff but i've got this great
idea for this game
it's called god of war dude mr lairdy
dude dude this is the best god of war
okay so you play this guy right
and he kills his family and then he
wears their skin on his body
and and he kills all these monsters and
then he gets to have sex this is the
best game
you have ever heard of it is going to
put game of vision on the
map yeah we already got ourselves a war
game in construction
nice try but sir it's dave jaffe child
prodigy and yeah i'm
dave jaffee thanks for coming by jeffy
clairol validates your pocket on your
way out but my mom's not picking me up
for a half hour
like i said mitch you have got a gift
like i ain't
never seen you a drinking man no i love
wine coolers
i mean i love giving the babes wine
coolers
bro dog you i myself am a whiskey man
one time i so drunk on whiskey i ran
right over a moose now it was a small
moose remind you
in a yellow t-shirt damn thing kept
yelling help me help me i'm just a
little boy
but i was so drunk i just left that
talking moose laying on the side of the
road
wow that's just what i would have done
oh mitch you're just like a young me
claire get in here
hi mitch i need you to take a memo
attention game of vision employees stop
we gonna have ourselves a hoedown stop
tonight at the branded
calf stop in honor of our new shining
star
mitch stop i think that's a wonderful
idea
i'd be happy to give you a ride mitch
thank you claire i'd like to give her a
ride if you know what i mean
i mean i want to have sex with her give
me a high five on that one
oh i'm drenched in whiskey sorry about
that not to worry
i'll get cleaned up in the shower there
are showers here yeah
but only for the fellas so don't let the
girlies know
let's hit it
take off them skivvies jerry real men
shower together
naked we don't want [ __ ] thinking we're
a bunch of freaks now do we
where is mitch mitch where are you at
boy hey dudes strip down and get your
ass
in here we gotta get pretty for the
girlies tonight
yeah i'm gonna take a pass where am i
group showers are optional i'm outta
here keep quiet fatty
if you don't i'm gonna stick something
in that mouth of yours to shut you
up yeah that sounded gay even if i
weren't nude now mitch
why can't you join us because it reminds
me too much of uh
prison wait you were in prison yeah i
did a stretch for killing a man bad ass
bro
i was wrongly convicted see i was a navy
seal
and these punks were harassing my lady
so i told him to back off
and they pulled out knives so i'd use
the palm of my hand to shove their noses
into their brains
i stood up for my lady and it earned me
seven long years and folsom i'd rather
not relive my time in the joint fair
enough mitch
you know what i like about you you got
sack even if i don't get to see it
i want you to be in charge of dave's
space game thingy wow
thanks mr larady what the hell is going
on here that's my game congratulations
mitch
uh hey do you want to sit next to me at
the party yeah let's play it by ear
terry what the [ __ ]
is that uh i think it's cause i maybe i
have a cold which is
uh because you know it causes stuff to
happen down there which is it's totally
normal
i gotta go
[Music]
i'm telling you this mitch is a real
man's
man i saw a tattoo on his forearm
it was the seal of the foreign legion i
hear he won the heisman trophy twice
i heard he killed an elephant with his
bare hands
so larry asked you to oversee my game
cobras versus chimps
dave you stole my game i mean my
sister's game
if i heard correctly mary thanked me if
she weren't dead dave be a little more
sensitive mitch just lost a loved one
you know i worked with mary for years
but she never mentioned a brother we
weren't that close yeah but then she
asked you to fill in at her job
we made up right before she died that
must have been special i wish i was
there
hi mitch would you like to buy me a
drink whoa claire i had no idea you were
a hooker
jerk it would be my pleasure claire
later dudes
you know mitch could teach you animals a
thing or two about how to treat a classy
lady it's the 80s darn it listen man i'm
telling you something about this guy
does not add up and i'd appreciate your
help
jerry
[Music]
wait what's wrong with you dude are you
telling me you actually like this
douchebag maybe you're the douchebag
dave
hey clarence when did you realize you
were super duper gay here's the man
his name was sand and something's
happening
in my pants can i tell you something in
confidence your secret's safe with me
jerry i won't tell dave or claire or
mary
well i've always liked women but lately
i think i'm falling in love with
[Music]
hell mitchell tip tip is that you in
there
todd why are you peeing sitting down i
mean i do
um no just uh touching myself
cool you have a tampon wrapper stuck to
your shoe
i do it's uh probably from when i was in
the ladies room making out with a hot
chick
she wanted to make out in there so we
totally did
can you believe that mitchell i need to
ask you a question best pal to best pal
shoot are you trying to usurp me um
what gave you that idea before you got
here people freely acknowledged that i
was the best programmer at game of
vision
probably in the whole world the others
looked to me for guidance
i was there obi-wan is that so
now you're around all of a sudden i've
been i've become nothing but a
c-3po do you really think i'm the best
programmer
that's amazing but hey c-3po is
important too
everybody needs comic relief right
threaten my rightful place will you
i'm afraid that's a crime punishment by
the death of a friendship
revenge shall be mine mitchell oh yes
revenge shall be mine
[Music]
don't get me wrong dave had some good
ideas but mary's ideas were much
much much better so we're pushing ahead
with space marines
i think this is the killer app that game
of vision's been waiting for woo
yeah awesome yeah go mitch mitch my boy
when the man upstairs was handing out
smarts you must have got two brains that
was stuck together
you know how like peanut m m's get
sometimes thank you mr larity
no son thank you you're the best damn
programmer out this whole
company but mitchell had a tampon on his
shoe last night and i i
think he'd be sitting down what's that
crap coming at you talking hole chief
todd no one likes a liar right mitch
what
okay why are you defending him i'm just
happy for mitch that's all but lairdy
took my game away mary's game
look mitch is a great guy why don't you
stop worrying about him and concentrate
on your own weak programming
geez i'll concentrate i'll concentrate
on revenge
betrayed again tiffany let's never talk
to another living soul again we gotta
talk
i'm sorry i just made a solemn pact that
prevents me from talking to the likes of
you
they'll make me smacky dude i think we
have something in common you're my evil
twin
i had my suspicions but shut up this
mitch guy
something's not adding up agreed what
kind of guy makes his best pal into
c-3po mitch is casting some weird spell
over this whole place with his stories
about prison and mary's stupid dying
wish
so we got to do something yes we must
you and i are like the cobra and the
mongoose
bitter adversaries joining forces that's
the ricky ticky tabby crap and let's get
going but we're agreed
we shall form an unholy union
fine it is time for the unholy union
handshake we're gonna need a step ladder
and some ketchup how about we just get
some dirt on mitch and use it to destroy
him very well but after we succeed
the handshake hey benny how's it hanging
it don't hang it all
dave it's like a button right sorry
anyway i need some information about
mitch i don't know about mitch you got
to go come on benny guy is smart and
god handsome and as korean
as you you got to know something i'm not
bread
you can't butter me up boy but i need
some dirt on mitch all you need to know
is that mitch is a great programmer she
the best would she
no she i mean he he's seen very
difficult words for korean boy
me no speak english chinese shoes apple
pie listen chinatown i'll give you 40
bucks and a pack of cigs
no filter make it a hundred forgive me
mitch
[Music]
we need to talk oh hey dave ladies
treating you all right
i bet they are i don't know you tell me
mary
you mean mitch oh do i or do i not or do
i don't not not are you high no
well yes but i'm not the one on trial
here what matters is that you're mary
benny gave me these pictures son of a
[ __ ] i knew he'd rat me out don't be
too hard on benny he's a good dude
you're not going to tell anybody about
this are you dave larity is finally
listening to my ideas
i've got a nice office claire's really
into me which is gross but still
flattering sorry mary i've already made
an
unholy union with todd and i'm not one
to break mine i give you 22
and a new chapstick deal
[Music]
ladies and gentlemen i called this press
conference today
to make a big announcement mitch here is
an inspiration to us all
and most importantly he's a man's man
so i've decided to name him
have programmer and successor to me
god forbid anything happen dave and i
would also like to make an announcement
about mitchell
dave please join me now i'm good but the
unholy union
todd your butt best find its seat quick
but mitch is a woman
come on stop talking todd she has
boobies dean if you please
hell we had a deal yeah but i told todd
your secret like
an hour ago oh i'm sorry did i not make
that clear go
yourself now the moment you all been
waiting for
mitch come on up here and present our
next hit game
space marine thank you mr larrity thank
you
game of vision release rules and you
rule i love you mitch
back off claire he's mine you hooker
damn it world i'm gay for mitch
and i don't care who knows it
what the you're mary i told you
will i be damn i'm not gay no dude
you're totally still gay that's right
it's me mary i lied in order to teach
all of you an important lesson about
gender equality i'm the same person i've
always been
but you only loved my ideas when you
thought i was a man i hope each of you
takes a long hard look in the mirror
lose the shirt pig how about you mr
larity anything you'd like to say
i agree really thank you sir no i agree
with dave
let's see them jigglys no then you're
suspended for a month no pain i guess
there's no reason for me to keep any
secrets now
like did you know that todd pleasures
himself to video games
remind me to knock before i come in your
room weirdo and dean is a tattoo of a
dolphin on his butt
that guy promised me it was a shark i
started my son's got a lady tattoo on
his
easter and larry hit a kid with his car
and left him for dead okay secret time's
over
you keep your mouth shut and we'll give
you a ring and i want my name on the
space marines box space marines is dead
honey
i'd rather miss out on the hottest game
of all time than put out a game
with a lady's name on it now that would
be embarrassing
everybody get out of here show's over
yeah i wish you'd showed her boobs
i love boobs right everyone queer
dude when you kissed mitch you must have
made some impression man what are you
talking about mary she wants to meet you
in the broom closet so you can make out
with her really yeah go see for yourself
what's going on in there i think i'm in
love
wait i thought you were knew it jerry
damn it dave congratulations dude you're
still gay
you know what i like about you you got
sack