oh
[Music]
fuzzy secret heart
[Music]
and i am done
what the hell oh i fell on my keys big
ass dolphin
the video game is done another
successful all-nighter dave why are you
naked uh
i get hot when i'm programming and as
you know my balls need to breathe if i
am to do my best work get your stupid
ass off my chair
how long was i out for well about two
hours after you finished your game
floating space rocks you took a
celebratory hit from the dagobong
and passed out must have been that new
weed i developed one more question
why is my penis green i can explain that
too because around 2 am
high out of your mind dave you painted
it so it would look like and i quote
a sexual serpent capable of spitting its
venom everywhere
damn it i knew i was a genius okay man
it's about 9am let's just head home um
disgusting boys mr larady would like to
see both of you
great well where the hell are my pants
screw it
[Music]
dave why aren't you wearing any pants
it's a long story man
and i'm really high right now so let's
just focus on why we're all here fair
enough anyway
today is a day when pigs not only have
flown
but they've also fixed my car and made
me breakfast
using the meat from their own bodies and
not only has hell frozen over but it's
also become my new venue for smurfs on
ice
y'all get me for game of vision we'll
finally be the best game company in the
world
and more importantly we're going to
stick it to them some [ __ ] over at
bellico
vision man i have a guest here who's
going to take us all the way
to fourth base what do you think this is
going to be about he's probably some
lame-ass motivational speaker that's
gonna rip up phone books or something
stupid like that
dave why is your penis green you know
why pretty lady are you looking at me
penis because you have no pants on
and it's green oh gentlemen
our special guest i'm mr steven
spielberg
spielberg oh hey everybody holy crap
whoa totally cool
i'm gonna try and do it with the
director is steven spielberg oh
my god whoa dude did you pee yourself
dave he is my idol you know that that
still doesn't explain the puddle of pee
on the floor
spielberg my anus he's the poor man's
lucas if you ask me
now listen up steven spielberg here's
got a new movie coming out called it
actually it's some icky one meeting at a
time here son i shut your gosh darn
yapper now i just bought the rights to
this video game from him
for 20 million dollars you said 30. i
said 20 you sumbitch
caught him dad no dean we are gentlemen
and we will settle it like gentleman
with little wrestling
what ha come over here you little
polkadot get y'all
get him down
that's just one catch game has to be
done in the next 24 hours
so we're pulling in all nighter folks
and by we i of course mean you
and by you i of course mean dave and
jerry oh
really i've been working half the night
hey thanks a lot spielberg
sorry pal whatever what a dick now i
have got one pass
to a super secret screening for our lead
program
i am flattered mr larady and i assure
you
i will give the film my full attention
not you
why the hell would i give it to a gay
viking and now
i'm thinking of a number from one to ten
the person who guesses it
gets a ticket six no eight no come on
sixty
steven spielberg negativo alligator
they've got it now the rest of you get
back to work
ahoy there hey ho um yes
did you uh have a chance to look at the
game pitch i sent you uh
refresh my memory of the game based upon
that wonderful book i happened upon
called the color purple
it's the compelling tale of a young
african-american woman
who faces various adversities why don't
you leave the thinking to the
professionals son
can't make crapola out of turd polish
now can you
[Music]
dave how the hell did you know that
larry was thinking about an alligator he
is always
thinking about alligators make a game
for my idol in one night
how the hell am i gonna do this see ya
i'll be back in a few hours to brief you
on all the awesomeness i saw
and all the awesomeness you did not see
dave i'm worried that i'm not gonna be
able to stay focused here you know i'm
no good at all-nighters and we're gonna
have to pull two in a row what am i
gonna do man
i can't fail steven spielberg benny get
in here no no no
no no oh you are a creepy little bastard
you know that right you once what guy
manny got a lot of stuff to do have to
look at your crappy video games all day
my man jerry here needs a little bit of
a hookup to get him through the night
whoa
i need big den give him a little candy
huh i can't do sugar
or caffeine dave i haven't had any of
those things in like 10 years jerry just
once is not gonna hurt you
right benny all night like a stallion
what it's gonna cost nothing free in
america
calm down just put it on my table right
whatever he needs man
joint account means compound interest 18
fine and by the way jerry you owe me hey
round eye
get ready to suck from the caffeine tent
coming through everybody coming through
can an actual ticket holder get through
please get through this line of whoa
black spock check darth vader check
white mr t
fantastic grimace i don't know why
you're here wow wookie in a wheelchair
check congratulations everybody this is
a regular carnival of shame
the dark side commands you to relinquish
your ticket to me
you've grown powerful young skywalker
ow cut it out you jerk what are you
staring at just wondering how it feels
to be an a-hole
i don't know just like i don't know how
it feels not to have a ticket to the
movie
but i know someone who does sucka
um excuse me can uh can a real ticket
holder come in please i'm getting i'm
getting harassed out here i'll give you
20 bucks for
it whoa whoa you're kidding me right 30.
all right we'll do this dance but you
have to do something for me kid what's
your name my name's mino yeah it's too
long i'm gonna call you m
[Music]
yeah that wasn't as entertaining as i
thought it would be hmm what else can i
have you do
look i ran around in circles yelling i'm
cuckoo for dudes
i went to the bathroom in my pants and i
did 100 push-ups
twice can i please have the ticket now
just one more thing tell me if this is a
good idea
for a movie a guy gets killed and
doesn't know
he's a ghost until the very end i think
that's a great idea
yeah now you know what screw it give me
30 bucks so you can have the ticket
booby land here i come
i love you i
love you too i love you [ __ ]
and i love you [ __ ]
[Music]
what the [ __ ] are you doing holy crap
how many of those pixie sticks have you
had that's not your concern my friend
your concern is arming
with enough knowledge about e.t so i can
create the world's greatest video game
with extreme prejudice
your hands are bleeding dude you will
take me to the conference room right now
and you will tell me about e.t
um right so et is about
this awesome alien who comes to earth
and that's pretty much it let's go
people okay what's the kid's name i need
a name i need a name i need the kid's
name uh
um i'm herman yeah herman now are there
any snakes in this one yes
in one scene e.t fights a snake to save
the jews so what does et do on earth um
well i mean he fights kids with a
lightsaber so that's good
um because he's searching for the lost
ark of the covenant and he has to make a
nazi's face off that's that's how it
works
does he find the ark of the covenant
no instead he dresses up like a woman so
he can get an acting role
on a soap opera wait who the [ __ ] is e.t
then he has to fight the russians
because they won't let herman dance in
the town where he lives because russians
hate dancing that doesn't make any sense
and why do you smell like [ __ ] it
takes one to no one [ __ ]
jerry my nose i made good money for this
nose
all right everyone you heard the man
alien go shopping park in the covenant
dress like a woman
let's let's rock and roll and load
[Music]
machine guns yes okay good yes yes
okay yes okay good now where do they go
all right give me more
he's from tantui hates kids hates him um
what else no you can't fly howdy boys
hey you about done with that game yet
we're almost done mr larity but we just
need to add music i'm so tired i figured
as much
that's why i want you to meet a friend
of mine boys a neil diamond neal get in
here
holy crap dave did you just do that
cause neil diamond's your idol
no dude i'm still incredibly drunk neal
just sold me the wraps to one of his
crappy new songs for 20 thousand dollars
you told new diamond 30 mr larry there
i said 20 you son of a [ __ ] let's
wrestle
[Applause]
gosh darn it meal diamond you have
bested me
dirty it is you mess with diamond you
gonna get cut here's your tape gentlemen
i'll see you later e.t lizard creature
and me
perfect you boys stick that in the game
somewhere
dude we actually did it dude i know this
is going to be the greatest game of all
[Music]
time
god it's not a problem no problem this
game is horrible
look at benny man very bad man
you're terrible dude we just got to make
some tweaks yay congratulations you guys
the truck just left the game will be in
stores within an
hour yay oh is that a joke version
[Music]
we are so guys i just got back from the
first screening of e.t
you guys have to see it i'm not one for
emotion or anything but
that little alien changed the way i look
at
what is that turd that is dave and
jerry's et game
you how could you you don't know
anything about
e.t you don't love e.t you didn't even
see the movie
did you okay no no i didn't and i know
that you're all mad at me because i
screwed up the game
but you know what i did do i went to a
strip club do any of you know what that
means
that means that i saw naked women and
they shook their asses
this close to my face for money sure i
could have gone to that movie but then
i wouldn't have seen all those naked
women at the strip club
with the boobs in my face now ask
yourselves can you blame me
and isn't that what you would have
wanted me to do
yeah we've got to stop that truck before
it drops all those games off we'll take
my car dave you don't have a car you
sold it to pay for that 20-foot blow-up
doll
by janta she was awesome dave i got it
man we'll steal larry's car
how could they you really love that
alien didn't you pal like a brother bro
can i share something with you i also
love alien life forms you do
quickly man come with me i have
something you must see
you're todd this van smells like crotch
bro
we got him we got him dave we got him
pull over
oh crap what do we do no problem what do
you mean the cops are honest
[Applause]
[Music]
dave stop the car i think a lot of those
people might be dead
i got you now you bastards
what the hell are you doing we'll see
who wins this little game of chicken he
goes by the name of
[Applause]
me
[Music]
as i thought i pissed myself again ditto
me amigo
[Music]
sorry man but we're gonna have to take
your rig say what don't make this ugly
just hand over the keys
as you can see you're outnumbered by a
factor of two
[Music]
now's our chance man on the count of
three one
two three look he took the keys
and all my bones are broken we don't
need the keys ah we just need to unhitch
the trailer
[Music]
well if it isn't the team who brought us
the ishtar of video games
that's funny because ishtar was a big
failure
not to worry ladies we stole the
truckload of games all
hundred thousand of them high fives all
around and then mary and
uh claire i'm gonna need a bj from the
both of you
truckload 100 000 that was just the
first
batch you jackals we shipped over
four million of those things it's the
biggest
video game shipment in history
maybe the kids won't notice that it
sucks i mean they're just kids right
let's take a ride
this sucks avoid spilled juice
avoid spilling juice
[Music]
it is giving me more cancer
make sure to call this game vd oh this
is just
great all i wanted was for this game to
be good god that's all i asked for
you made my parents get divorced and you
killed my baby sister
and all i asked you was for this game to
kick ass that's a lot
no e.t the game is terrible
i guess they noticed that it sucked oh
crap what do we do now get everybody
inside now
hey can you activate the emergency
security lockdown only the supervisor
can do that
dean oh man where's that douchebag when
you need him
the signs are all around us signs that
only i
a genius can see but signs nonetheless
that ship passed right outside my window
i knew then that they wanted to study my
superior brain
and enormous genitals look here crop
circles on my lawn
actually i think dave did that i doubt
he'd have the technological prowess to
accomplish something of this magnitude
but i think you see my point
i've spent the majority of my adult life
reaching out to them
knowing that they'll contact me someday
why do you think every time my pager
rings
my nipples start lactating gross do you
understand now why i brought you here
today dean
you're gonna kill me right no we're
waiting for the ship
i do this all the time they clearly want
to mate with me
to produce a superior race of human
alien hybrids okay this has been really
cool and everything but
dean they must be close holy crap what's
up
mr larady we got to get you out of here
why is that boy
there's an angry mob outside and they're
calling for blood i can see that jerry
but i don't think it's our blood they're
calling for they're
[Music]
i don't get it i take it you boys didn't
actually bother to look
at any of those games you hijacked
that's right boys
i switched the sticker i never thought
i'd say this dude but you are a genius
boys i don't have to be a pig farmer to
know a cow turd when i see it
the second i saw that so-called game
i knew what i had to do mr larry first
of all allow me to apologize there's no
apology for stupid boy
ask my son dean you boys hijacked a
truck today
and you stole my car i know you're
probably pissed at jerry pissed you boys
took my car
i'd be less pissed if you fed me my own
ass on the ciabatta
anyhow all's well that ends well now you
two go make me some more money
and if you see that good for nothing son
of mine tell him we're late to visit his
brother in jail
what y'all get getting yeah hey uh yeah
ugly girl have you seen dean um no
wendy is the ugly one i'm the pretty one
oh pigs look the same from behind
darling
what happens now now dean they
physically love us
what time to put the mustard on the hot
dog and steam the bun
what the [ __ ] oh
[Music]
you're very welcome my enlightened
friend i'm just glad that i could
facilitate your first
contact i didn't say thank you you don't
need to
i can sense your gratefulness and i am
humbled by it
shut up and drive douche could you
please hand me my ass cushion
i can't believe that fat douchebag waits
for us every single week
and i can't believe i won't see him for
another week
i love him
hey mr larity uh what are you doing back
here
i might ask the same of you boys no
nothing
nothing all right boys i know you two
can keep a secret
cause if you don't i have you skinned
and mounted on my wall
come with me
[Music]
almost every single e.t game got
returned
over 3.99 million of them and this is
where they'll stay
until the end of time but what about
steven spielberg
yeah what about him right george
i don't believe you boys have met my
good friend george lucas
hey guys holy crap george lucas
george here made a little deal with me
for 30 million dollars
i told him i'd help stop e.t you said
20.
i said 30 you son of a [ __ ] you said
20.
russell
but why just a friendly little prank
wait so what you're saying
is that i did a great thing when i
skipped the movie and went to the strip
club
therefore helping you to rob spielberg
of millions of dollars
and the goodwill of his fans like i said
a
friendly little prank i'm not judging
i'm just here to hang out well we've got
work to do so take me with you please
he's insane
get him guards he's gotta make that
music video for me lucas you direct
let's take a ride in the spaceship as
the moon and stars
all over the universe stop by the dagger
bars
upon my interstellar e we can bounce
with
[Applause]
[Music]
neil
[Music]
i love you too